I want to work out more in my dorm, but my athlete roommate is always in our room. What should I do? We’re good friends, but I am so very unfit that it’s embarrassing.

You are one of the bravest among us. The act of even considering self-improvement while living with someone who does planks for fun is heroic. Here’s the truth: Your roommate is too busy adding whey protein to all her drinks and doing a thousand burpees before breakfast to judge your fitness journey. She probably thinks your 20-minute YouTube pilates video is some kind of relaxation ritual. So carve out your space, take your time, and remember: Every strong oak was once a weirdly sweaty sapling doing wall sits in a tiny Frosh Quad flex.

I’ve fallen in love with a pair of best friends. I know the right answer is to choose neither, but I can’t let go of either of them. What do I do?

Yeah, this is pretty messy. Maybe that’s the energy you’re looking for right now, but I think you and I both know the truth: The longer you juggle the heartbreak hand grenades, the more likely one (or both) will explode in your face. You could walk away now, protect your peace, and write angsty poetry about it forever. Or you could choose one and risk losing them both. Either way, good luck — this kind of drama doesn’t happen much among the hormonal cows on Stone Hill. And trust me, cows know a thing or two about being messy.

I never learned how to ride a bike — and I don’t know how to ask someone to teach me. Help!

You are not alone. You are not broken. You are simply one of the chosen few who have never experienced the childhood pain of flying over your handlebars after braking too hard. But if you do want to learn, remember this: Everyone looks stupid on a bike — in fact, the more professional you are, the stupider you look (ever seen the outfits Tour de France cyclists wear?). Just ask a trusted friend to teach you somewhere secluded (read: not in front of Paresky like those skateboarders who are always in your way), bring a helmet, and accept the fact that you will fall — many times. It’s humbling, but that’s life.

I’m looking for a serious relationship. Is Tinder/Hinge the way to do it?

That depends. Are you looking for love, or are you looking for an adrenaline spike every time a man’s bio includes the phrase “6’1 because apparently that matters”? These apps are less for dating and more a form of digital performance art. If you do choose to swipe, keep an eye out for the profile that just says “real cow looking for her cowgirl.” That’s me. Let’s talk.

What is the acceptable punishment for someone who cuts the Lickety line?

Death. (Happy Lickety season, Ephs!)