Dear Ephelia

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Should I pick the less attractive guy? I like them both equally, but I feel like hot people are more apt to cheat. 

Beautiful women love to date not-so-beautiful men, and I hypothesize that people date down to delude themselves into thinking they are in control and safe. A less attractive man theoretically would garner less attention from women, but this argument fails to account for the whole “personal responsibility” thing. The temptation narrative makes for a great epic, but the decision to cheat is a conscious one, and people of all levels of attractiveness make it. 

TL;DR: Pick the hot one! 

How bad is it to text in class? 

Texting in class is not great, but it’s also not the worst thing you can do. We’ve all been in a painfully dry lecture or stuck in a seminar room with a person who just won’t stop talking and opened up our Messages app to pass the time. If you are discrete, don’t care about people reading your texts, and are not jeopardizing your learning, I see no issue — but I realize those are some big “ifs.” Tried and true alternatives for wasting time during class include doodling, daydreaming, plotting your global takeover, engineering the next weapon of mass destruction, or writing Petrarchan sonnets. (Mom, if you’re reading this, I swear I’m paying attention in class. Please don’t be mad.)

What should I stream during a Netflix-and-chill type of situation? 

Let’s just say I don’t get out much — this column is really time-consuming — so I phoned some friends for help on this one. Apparently no one actually watches the program in these kinds of situations, so there’s no need to choose something spectacular. And while there might not be right answers, they said there are definitely wrong ones. American Psycho, that new Jeffrey Dahmer show, superhero movies (aka “cgi dumpster fires”), The Human Centipede, long gangster movies, and Gone Girl were some of the cited mood killers. Maybe just stick to something mindless and unmemorable. 

Is it ethical to occupy one of the South Science nooks alone for a prolonged period of time? 

Compared to Lee’s booths, this is a much more acceptable thing to do. While we have a shortage of dining hall seats at peak eating hours, we have a surplus of study spaces almost all day. You might be annoyed that someone stole the coveted South Science corner room, but this is an issue of want, not need. This is the unfortunate truth of rival goods. Get stepping to Schow, and perhaps try waking up earlier next time. 

Am I a horrible person for not tipping at Tunnel City Coffee or Spring Street Market?

You’re a broke college student who didn’t tip 20 percent on your $17 sandwich and $9 latte?! You are a stingy, bourgeois pig, and I have to wonder, when the revolution comes, where will you hide?  

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