Why do we have to use Okta Verify? It’s terrible!

Um, because your Workday timesheet contains highly classified information… And we can’t use Signal to share that kind of thing anymore, so Okta verification was the only option. Duh! 

Okta Verify is a lesson on the limits of your own agency. At any moment, you could be doing something completely unrelated to logging in, just trying to exist in peace, and yet, Okta Verify looms — waiting. If you want to log in to your email that you access every day on the same laptop that you’ve been using for the last four years, you’d better be ready to prove that you are who you say you are. Driver’s license? Could be forged. Fingerprint? Not unique enough. Retina scan? I hope you’re joking. That app is the real deal. Stay safe out there.

What’s the ideal amount of time to wait before responding to a text from my crush?

The formula is simple: Take the amount of time they took to reply, multiply it by your level of interest (on a scale of 1 to 10), and divide by the number of times you’ve overanalyzed their punctuation. 

If math isn’t your thing, just wait until the first day with an unclouded sunrise after the next full moon, then send them something mysterious like, “Sorry I didn’t get back to you sooner. The alignment of the moon in Scorpio kept me from responding. Anyways, dinner this week?” Now, they’re intrigued, slightly confused, and maybe even a little scared. Exactly what you want.