I have midterms coming up in two of my classes. Huh?? I literally had a mid-semester quiz two weeks ago and then another midterm a week before that. What is going on? Is this normal?

Thanks for your question, reader. This is common around here, actually, and it’s been bothering me for my past six years at Williams. To any professors perusing my column, let’s be clear: Not every test is a midterm. 

Just because it is an important exam does not mean it is midway through the term. Some of you have a doctorate in mathematics. Can you not count? Maybe it’s time for some self-evaluation. 

Should I download Yik Yak?

No.

I am very lonely and in need of a club. Do you have any recommendations?

The Record will take literally anybody at any time. I would know. A cappella groups will accept you if you’re good at making others happy using mouth noises, and the debate team will accept you if you’re good at making others sad using mouth noises. I do not know of any other options.

What are they building over there?

On a dark Thursday night, I went to see for myself. I scaled the chain-link fence just to peer over those plastic, thin, green strip dividers that they use to prevent someone from seeing through a chain-link fence. A hand yanked me down, over the chain-link fence. I did not get to see whom this hand was attached to, if anyone, because I flipped over the chain-link fence and landed splat in a mud puddle beneath the chain-link fence, rendering myself instantly unconscious. 

I woke up in my dorm. I hope this helps.

Hey-o Ephelia. I think campus is so pretty this time of year. What can I do to better immerse myself in nature?

First of all, I disagree with you about the “pretty” thing. All of the trees are dead. You think that dead things are pretty? Weirdo. Second of all, you should get involved with the Williams Outing Club. How? Well, if you’re a student here, then you’re likely getting emails in your inbox at an alarming frequency from a dude that runs the place. How did you manage to miss all of them? Don’t be so reliant on the Record advice column for advice. That’s my advice.