I really wanted to get a Mountain Day shirt, but I missed Mountain Day because I was just sooo sleepy lol. Wanna help me out? Kisses <3

Pound sand, doofus — you’re not getting my shirt. Better yet, go outside right now, walk to Sawyer lawn, have a seat on your favorite marble block, bury your face in your hands, and sob until it occurs to you why you didn’t pick one up a long time ago like the rest of us. You missed your chance, pal. They’re gone. You failed. Some people go out and seize their dreams; other people languish under their sheets. That’s life: Get used to it. Go grovel for one on the WSO exchange forum, if it means that much to you. God knows you won’t get one from me. 

I was answering a question in psych yesterday and I suffered the worst voice crack of my life in front of like 200 people. How do I recover? Any tips for never doing that ever again? 

Dude! I’m in your psychology class! You’re that guy with the blue backpack, blonde hair, back left, right? Yeah, no, it was pretty bad. We all laughed afterward. 

That reminds me, back in the day, I used to get trashed on Tuesday nights, so when I showed up to Wednesday afternoon classes, I was always still pretty messed up, homeostatically speaking. Long story short, one day I ended up vomiting all over the floor of Bronfman in the middle of a psych lecture. Front row. Loud retching and everything. For the next three weeks, my professor would only address me as “Pukes-a-Lot,” but eventually people forgot, I think. What I’m trying to say is that people here are pretty self-centered, so they forget about the embarrassing things you do quickly enough — at least way before you do. It’s called the spotlight effect, I think, but I’m not totally sure because I started skipping psych after my incident.

I couldn’t find my ’82 Grill order at lunch today, and I swear someone was sitting right there at the table, eating my exact order. Should I have reported them to CSS?

Hey there. First of all, that may have been me — sorry. But that story reminds me of something that happened many Octobers ago, during my junior year. I ordered a block of copper and was waiting in the mailroom line to pick it up, when I happened to notice that someone was fiddling with my mailbox code off to my left. They were trying to bust it open! I hadn’t checked my mail all semester, and obviously word must’ve gotten around that some good stuff had been piling up in there, and this crook was ready to cash in. Thinking quickly, I decided to suplex the guy from behind. He ended up being very peripherally aware, so he caught me trying to get my arms around his waist, and started yelling at me, so I ran away. I later found out that he was trying to open his own mailbox. But the point is, in these types of situations, it’s best to just give someone the benefit of the doubt and ask them what they’re up to. Some people are just a little silly.

Can you recommend some easy courses for me to take next semester? I’ve been really busy lately and I just need less work this spring. I don’t care which division.

Shame on you!

Oh my — that’s just a ridiculous question.  

Courses should challenge you. Through rigorous engagement with work, you’ll improve your  

Intellectual capabilities, no matter the subject. There’s simply no area of study that is “easy” 

Or for that matter, any course that is easier than another. And, as a member of the No. 1 

Liberal arts college in the nation, you should be striving to immerse yourself in your studies. 

Only after you graduate are rest and a healthy circadian rhythm permitted.   

Guaranteed, work here will be time consuming, but there’s nothing you can do. Though I wish 

You the best of luck, I have nothing to offer you.