How long is too long to leave my laundry in the washing machine?

If you’re asking this question, it’s already too late. Without a timely and orderly laundry process, even the strongest society will crumble. Other things that will probably happen if you don’t set a timer and take your laundry out within five minutes of the end of the cycle: Your dorm-mates will hate you, your laundry will end up in a soggy pile on top of a washing machine, and you will never find love again. 

Okay, I made that last part up, but I hope it gets you in line. Also, do you really want everyone to know what your underwear looks like?

My tutorial partner quoted Kris Jenner’s memoir in her lead paper. How am I supposed to respond to that?

Ugh, for the love of Ye! I hate to say it, but there’s a winner in your tutorial group, and it’s not you. However, it’s not over for you at your next tutorial meeting. Tutorial partners are friends, not food, as the old saying goes. Bring in an analysis of Kim Kardashian’s Selfish and show off your knowledge of America’s royal family. When it turns out that your professor is a huge KUWTK stan (who isn’t?), you and your partner will both get to reap the benefits.

I met someone really cute on Hoxsey this weekend, but it turns out I’m their TA. What should I do?

Here’s the reality: If you met them on Hoxsey, is this really the Romeo to your Juliet? You should take a look at his problem sets and see if they’re any good. Maybe they’ll be flawless in a way that’s just plain annoying, or their handwriting might give you the ick. Let’s just hope they’re not pulling a Mean Girls situation of trying to fail the class to get your help. It’s cute, I guess, but ultimately pretty pathetic.

Ephelia, when is it appropriate to call a professor by their first name? 

Even when professors tell me they like to be called by their first name (or some other moniker), I find that the answer to this question is: never. You can stubbornly keep calling them by their last name or pretend to go deaf when they remind you. And if you don’t know how to pronounce their last name, go for the tried and true trick of never referring to them as anything at all. Run into them in Sawyer? Just say, “Hey YOU!” or “How’s it going, BUDDY?” I’m sure they’ll love that. It’s even more personal than calling them by their first name, in a way.