You know when you’re walking and spot someone you know from a distance, but you’re in no mood for a conversation? When is the right time to wave and say hello so as not to invite further interaction?

Ideally, you wave and say hello right as you are about to pass, when there are about three feet between you and the other person. The exact timing will depend on your walking speeds, so just do some quick mental calculus. If you can time it right, you’re golden. If you can’t and you end up making eye contact (or worse, waving) prior to the point of intersection, then you need to adjust your strategy. Sustained eye contact can signal that you want to have a conversation that goes beyond “hey,” so you need to pick up the pace as you approach. Make it seem like you’re in a hurry — maybe you’re late to class or a meeting — so that the person opposite you knows now is not a good time to chat. This strategy is great because you are able to acknowledge a friend while also sparing yourself from small talk. 

Dear Ephelia, if you were a liberal arts college and had money to blow, how would you spend it? Hypothetically speaking, would a machine that autonomously produces milkshakes, smoothies, and juices be a productive use of your money? 

If I were a college, a robot that produces subpar milkshakes wouldn’t be on the top of my list of things to buy. I would prefer to allocate that money to financial aid (it could cover almost a semester of tuition), the book grant (it could buy over 200 books), housing (the dorms are falling apart), Dining’s food budget, Integrative Wellbeing Services (everyone is depressed), or maybe even a robot that makes actually decent drinks. Whatever I would use the money for, it wouldn’t be on a smoothie machine — hypothetically speaking, of course. 

Should I snitch on my neighbor who keeps smoking weed? I hate to be that person, but it’s every weeknight and it smells horrible. 

This is a tricky situation. It’s college, so of course people are going to want to smoke, but at the same time you deserve to go to sleep in peace. Before snitching, you should at least make an effort to speak to them and ask them to stop. You can also try mitigating the effects of smoke on your room by closing your window, using fans, turning on an essential oil diffuser, or some combination of the three. If, after talking to them and trying to make your room more comfortable, you are still dealing with the problem, then snitch. I would suggest doing it anonymously, or at the very least discreetly — because no one likes a narc. 

I have a Zoom date in three weeks and am trying to get my jawline sharp enough to cut through the retouch filter. How can I do that fast?

Not sure if you live under a rock, but mewing, a form of oral posture training, has taken the internet by storm. Insecure men from every corner of the web are turning to it to chisel their face, which they think will end their lifelong celibacy. Though mewers are seeing varied success — both in terms of their jawline and ability to get laid — it’s certainly worth a shot. Plus, it’s literally just pushing your tongue up to the roof of your mouth and holding it — hardly a big ask.