Ephelia, I have crippling aux anxiety. Please advise. 

Auxious reader, you are not alone. Immediately upon being handed an aux cord, my hands start sweating, and I frantically rack my brain for potential excuses. What music you like is an expression of your tastes, and it is uncomfortable to subject your aesthetic tastes to outside judgment. (Not to mention the fact that one wrong song can totally kill the vibe — no pressure though!)

In my opinion, you fundamentally have three aux strategies. The first is to pull the classic, “Oh no, my phone is dead, looks like I can’t.” Though lame, it gets you out of the job. Your second option is to make a designated safe playlist — mine is called “crowd pleasers.” It might not be your favorite music, and it may take time to make, but its broad appeal makes it a good fallback. The final option is my personal favorite: Play what you want. Someone will always have a bone to pick, so might as well make sure you have a good time. Plus, good vibes are contagious. 

I forgot how many poor choices I have made and how small this school is. Do you have any tips for dodging my many opps?

Travel in packs, code words, don’t let your opponents ruin places you love, etc. 

First-years keep sitting in my carrel — what’s the nicest way to get rid of them?

Mark your territory, but not in a dog way, considering that public urination is illegal. I suggest personalizing your space in an over-the-top, almost-messy kind of way. Last year, a friend of mine had the most unwelcoming carrel of all time. Not once did she have to kick someone out of her carrel, and I think we can use her as a model. Books for her thesis, crumbled papers, miscellaneous vegetative materials (leaves, dirt, etc.), and old food adorned her desk. It was a sight — and smell — to behold, but it worked. 

My friends and I screenshot and share many of the profiles we see on dating apps, either because they are funny, creepy, or we know the person. Are we horrible people?

The dating app screenshot is commonplace in many of our group chats, and I have reckoned with the ethics of it for some time now. On one hand, it feels like an invasion of privacy to share something that was meant to be seen by certain people in a specific context. On the other, however, there is some positive social regulation that comes out of the screenshot. The ever-present threat of exposure serves to deter creepy and inappropriate behavior and, in certain cases, infidelity. My libertarian inclinations make me increasingly sympathetic to the former argument. 

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