Dear Ephelia: Welcome back to Williams!

Ephelia Ephelia

What is the acceptable punishment for someone who cuts the line at Lickety? 

Cutting the Lickety line is a cardinal sin in my book, but I am merciful and can surely come up with something more creative than your run-of-the-mill corporal punishment and torture. I would probably steal all of their left shoes over a prolonged period of time or orchestrate an elaborate Shakespearean seduction-revenge plot. 

What ever happened to dating?

Irrespective of where people stand on commitment and relationships, it seems that everyone is looking for the same thing: human connection. How people choose to find this depends on a lot of factors, but the factor of greatest interest to me is fear. I cannot say for certain why the dating-averse feel more comfortable in the nude than at a table at Blue Mango, but I suspect a large part of it has to do with the special kind of rejection that comes after being known. All this to say, do not confuse your fears with your desires — it’s beta. 

Dorm living has been rough, and I really need a nice, quiet place to cry — got any recommendations?

Stairwells and empty academic buildings are always great, but my favorite place to let it all out is on a walk. Put on those headphones, turn on “Do Not Disturb,” press play on the Phoebe Bridgers, and get to stepping. Not to get all Ralph Waldo Emerson, but I find comfort in the way my mortal concerns pale in comparison to the vastness of nature. 

Is it possible to graduate Williams with the promise of a lucrative career and avoid taking classes with econ bros? If so, how?

A bit of a hot take, but economics is not the worst thing ever. You can interact with the bros as little or as much as you want, and, admittedly, it is actually kind of nice to understand what Jerome Powell is doing. That said, an economics degree is not required in order to secure a sweet post-grad gig. We are fortunate to go to a school where you can study what you enjoy, cultivate your mental garden, and still make a helluva lot more than the average American. C’est la vie, for better or for worse.

Does Facilities have a grass killing kink?

The evidence sure is damning, but the CRC (Cows Rights Campaign) is on it. We will not tolerate this despicable attack on cattle.