Dear Ephelia

Ephelia Ephelia

As someone who has never used weights in my life, how do I start a lifting regimen without embarrassing myself in Lasell? 

I was once like you, dear inquisitor. I, like so many, did not know where the gym was until the start of Winter Study. However, I made a promise to start working out for the new year, so I found myself in the dank cavern known as Lasell. Since then, I’ve acquired a few tricks to blend in with the creatine lovers inhabitants of this school. 

Step One: Plan your workouts before you get to the gym. There are tons of free workout apps that will make a solid regimen for you.

Step Two: Stay OUT of Lower Lasell. There’s nothing worse than trying your hand at five-pound arm curls next to a flock of sweaty athletes throwing axes and racing chariots. At least I think they do that. I don’t know. Never been.

And finally, Step Three: Go with a friend. Perhaps someone who can show you the ropes, or someone who is as clueless as you. Either way, you have someone to blame if you break the machine.

Is it bad that I haven’t directly spoken to my roommate in 27 days? 

I am more concerned that you’ve kept track of how long it’s been since you spoke. Is it coming from a place of worry? Or are you planning their ultimate demise? Have you just been keeping a mental note, or are you engraving tally marks into the wood of your frosh quad dorm with the key that is never actually used? 

Regardless, you’re probably fine. Cohabitation makes the heart grow fonder, as they say. Could the silence be reframed as sexual tension, just for the drama of it all? Just food for thought… 

I have a crush on a boy in an a cappella group. What’s the best way to win him over? 

Ah yes, the a cappella crush. We all have one, whether we like it or not. (Let me guess… is he in the Octet? Because, if so, same. Wait, now this is going to get to their heads… whatever.) There are a couple types of a cappella crushes, so it’s important you determine which one he is… see my nifty guide below:

The soloist: Get in line, sweetie. 

The enthusiastic background singer: Aw, how sweet. He’s definitely kind but cannot flirt to save his life. You better take the lead on this one.

The background singer that is pissed he’s not the soloist: Probably a little toxic. I’d stay away… maybe try the soloist?

The beat boxer: My personal favorite. Go for it! Actually, wait, he’s mine.