Dear Ephelia

Ephelia Ephelia

How long is too long to go without doing laundry?

Dear Students of Williams, 

It has been brought to my attention that we have an I-don’t-remember-the-last-time-I-changed-my-sheets epidemic on this campus. According to science, dirty sheets are disgusting and strongly correlated with involuntary celibacy (source: trust me). You do not need to do your laundry until you run out of clothes, but please, for goodness sake, change your sheets once every two weeks. 



Every night my roommate listens to eating ASMR to fall asleep. Should I be concerned? 

Sunday 9:03 P.M.

Yes, of course. You have got to be one sick person to find the sound of chewing relaxing.

Monday 7:43 A.M.

I retract my previous statement. 

The stress of midterms is crushing. Do you have any healthy coping mechanisms?

As an infamous email from IWS once said, I am “encouraged that so many of you have reached out for support this year, and [I] strongly encourage you to keep doing so.” In all seriousness, though, talking honestly about mental health is great and luckily I don’t have a waitlist. My go-to strategy for dealing with stress is focusing on little parts of my day that bring me joy: thick oatmeal in the morning; squirrels rummaging through the trash; a free study space in South Science; Soulja Boy’s “Kiss Me Thru the Phone;” dining hall eye contact with my crush who doesn’t know I exist. 

I find comfort in being present and reminding myself that, while I am a student and have a lot to do, I am, above all, just a person. Oh yeah, and therapy helps. 

What are some convincing ways to fake paying attention in lecture?

Playing the part of an attentive student has more to do with props than anything else. Pulling out your laptop and doing the crossword puzzle might seem like an easy solution but (a) professors look down on computer note-takers to begin with and (b) it’s obvious that you’re doing something you shouldn’t when everyone around is watching you fail to think of a three letter beverage that starts with “t.” So, take out a pen and paper and do something — write a poem, doodle, copy a game of sudoku and finish it during class, get a head start on a problem set, anything that doesn’t involve an electronic device. 

Your family would be proud to see their tuition dollars going to good use.

Every time I walk into the music building, the air is hot, sticky, and absolutely rank. Ephelia, I need answers. 

What happens in the practice rooms stays in the practice rooms.