If you are eating a syrupy breakfast, and the handle of your fork falls into the syrup, what do you do? Should you get a new fork? Should you wipe it off and continue? Do you lick it off in broad daylight? Please advise.
– Sticky & Confused
There is only one correct answer: Lick it. You got a syrupy breakfast for a reason. I don’t wanna see two forks on your plate unless you’re having a dinner date. Stand tall and be proud! Lick that damn fork and fork anyone who cares.
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What’s the fastest way to get from Tyler Annex to science quad? Empirical data please.
– Lazy Leopard
Break a toe and get an ambulance to take you.
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What do you do if your TA this year is someone you have hooked up with?
– Bull with the Horns
Assert your dominance by making out with your TA in front of all the other students in the class. That’ll show them. You got the connects.
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How do you say hi in public to your current hook up without having them think you’re being weird?
– Confused cow
Try a pained, closed-mouth smile that simultaneously conveys your shame, confusion,and latent lust. Also, and I oop- sksksksksk.
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What is the healthiest snar order that is not a salad?
– Hungry Hungry Hippo
Air. It’s free and abundant.
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Need some advice? Wondering, “What would Ephelia do?” This week, we asked our board to come up with questions. To submit a question, anonymously go to The Record website and click the “Ask Ephelia” tab or email [email protected]!