One in Two Thousand

Much have I traveled in the realms of gold, as the poet says, in the course of my tireless labors for the One in 2000. This week found me in a swanky apartment over the ever-exotic Sushi Thai Garden, sharing a glass or two of a charming Argentine Malbec with my gracious host, Bibi Metsch-Garcia ’09. Mine is a difficult job, gentle reader – and yet, somehow, I persevere.

Tell me something about yourself that I wouldn’t know.

I LOVE Hello Kitty, I’m half Jewish and my style icons are Christine Cohen ’09, Jackie O. and Audrey Hepburn.

What would you call your biggest accomplishment at Williams?

I’d say a really good experience for me was being on JA selection committee. I would make a terrible JA I think –

Why’s that?

I think it’s a really hard, noble job, but I think I’m not selfless enough. Hopefully by the time I’m a mother I’ll be able to give that much of my life up.

Do you want kids?

Yeah, definitely I want kids.

Like now?

Oh no, not now. It’s hard because part of me feels like such a feminist, but another part of me feels like family is such an important part of my life –

Also you have to find the person you want to make kids with. There’s that challenge.

So yeah, definitely not ready.

You don’t have that person in your life?

Well maybe after this interview I’ll know –

Because we could always start right now –

Exactly. Once we’re done with this interview, we could maybe finish this bottle of wine, one thing could lead to another – you know, I was burning a candle earlier.

[Note: I kept one hand on my Bible at all times throughout the course of this interview.]

Hmm. So what are you doing – next year?

I’m moving to Paris, hopefully by October.

Any plans?

I want to take classes at the Sorbonne. I’m from New York City, and I think I should try out a new metropolis.
Cool.

I want to go to law school, but once you start doing stuff like that, you’re on a track. And I might meet someone – like you – and we might get engaged and have kids, and before I know it, I might not have another chance to just pick up and move like this.

Speaking of Jesus, would you rather be able to walk on water or turn water to wine?

Walk on water!

Why?

You can buy wine whenever you want! You know, I prepared a lot of material for this interview.

Like what?

Well I decided that if I were a tree I’d be a Bonsai.

Because you’re –

Tiny. And manicured.

How tall are you?

I’m a legal midget. I’ll bet that’s something you didn’t know about me!

What does that mean?

I’m four feet, 11 and 7/8 inches. If you’re over 18 and under five feet you qualify.

Does that change the guys you can date? Is there a height threshold?

My friends get really mad at me because I say I like tall guys. I definitely like taller guys because often I feel like they can handle me a lot a better –

How do you mean, ‘handle you’?

I can be kind of dominant in some ways, I guess –

Would you date someone who is 6’10”?

I don’t think so. First of all, that would be complicated just with logistics. The tallest person I ever dated was 6’5”. I met him at a party my senior year of high school. His name was Aaron. I asked my friend for his number so I could call him up and ask him out, but when we met we were sitting down. People would stare at us; it was really uncomfortable.

I’m impressed that you called him up. So you believe in girls taking the initiative, huh?

Well, I feel like here especially you kind of have to.

I can think of a couple guys who sit at home on a Friday night and wonder why some nice girl doesn’t call them up.

I guess I’m more like a guy in that sense, stereotypically. Once guys see something they want, they just go after it. And especially being an older girl now, you know, guys can find that a little intimidating. So it’s good to give some reassurance.

Always. How do you feel about the occasionally casual nature of Williams dating?

It’s funny because I’m a really flirtatious person and I’ll definitely hit on guys and stuff, but mostly I’m really not into the random hook-up kind of thing. I mean it’s not as fulfilling. For me, I’d rather be kissing someone or spending time with someone I actually like.

Crazy talk.

I also think girls accept really bad treatment sometimes. Back in the day, guys would have to take a girl out court her, get to know her –

I agree with that. Dude: Change out of your sweatpants and buy her dinner once in a while.

Do you do a lot of these interviews?

Well [fellow One in 2000 correspondent] Ethan [Timmins-Schiffman ’10] has two basketball games this week, so I’m filling in.

He’s really tall. Definitely out of the game for me.

[Note: In your face, Ethan!]

So how do you feel about Rihanna and Chris Brown?

That’s really scary. I feel like as a celebrity she has to set a good example! But it’s first love I think.

I think she’s better than that.

She’s totally better than that.

How do you feel about texting?

I feel like a lot can get lost in translation. You can read a text like, “OK, have a good night,” or it can be like, “OK, have a good night.”

[Note: What?]

One final question: Would you rather have a horn in the middle of your forehead or glow in the dark nipples?

Nipples? Yeah, definitely the nipples, because you could cover that up.

Probably not in all situations.

Yeah but that would be different. Because whoever you’re with, you could give them fair warning. Plus that could actually be pretty chill, you know?