Aries 

No, the professor of the class you are trying to get into won’t like you more than other students just because you started your email with “I hope all is well.”

Taurus 

Art classes are not “easy.” Econ, however… 

Gemini 

You will get dropped from all of your classes. Karma. 

Cancer 

There is no need to reply “thank you <3!!!” to every email Alan Hatton sends out.

Leo 

Stop looking at classes that are mostly graded on participation. Your voice is delicate — rest it. 

Virgo 

I’ll give it to you, you found the perfect schedule. Congrats! Now try being nice to yourself.

Libra

Oh my God! Just pick a class already!

Scorpio 

It’s awesome that you care so much, but the professor being racist doesn’t necessarily affect a man from Darien, Conn., like yourself.

Sagittarius 

Taking “WGSS 462: Feminist Approaches to Underground Mexican Wrestling” seems like an interesting choice. Reconsider.  

Capricorn 

Don’t worry, buddy, you weren’t the only one who forgot about pre-registration.

Aquarius 

Who hurt you so much that you’re voluntarily taking three Division III classes? 

Pisces 

A lot of people get dropped from classes. Don’t take it personally. Hey, at least you’re not a Gemini.