Record Horoscopes tell all

Aries: March 21-April 19

After a long week of midterms, your energy will be back up on Wednesday. Don’t get too excited too fast though, because you’re going to be tired and alone and studying again for all of Thursday. Stop trying to eat healthy, just give in to Snack Bar, and just try to shower and leave whichever lair you locked yourself up in: Schow, the Quiet Room, the abandoned warehouse on Water Street or the basement of Sawyer. Fortunately, Friday and Saturday will bring happiness again for a wonderful weekend to begin Spring Break.

Taurus: April 20-May 20

On Wednesday, you will clash with professors and all authority figures. Also on Wednesday, try not to gossip because something in your past (freshman fall memories?) will come back to bite. After this confusing combination, your life will pick up a little bit on Thursday. You’ll have more time to be with friends and romantic interests. After a typically wild Thursday night in Williamstown, Friday and Saturday will be all about rest and relaxation. At midnight on Friday, your luck will change for the better, just in time for Spring Break. However, Friday and Saturday will set the tone for a month of contemplation and solitude.

Gemini: May 21-June 20

The most intense part of your week will be Wednesday and Thursday. However, stay focused until Friday to finish strong before Spring Break. It may be tempting to slack off and dream about Spring Break or travel plans, especially international ones. However, work hard so you can #playhard later. Although you will be impatient and tempted, do not fight authority on Thursday. After you finish on Friday, you can keep belligerently paraphrasing Rihanna because cheers to freakin’ Spring Break, you’re done.

Cancer: June 21-July 22

Wednesday and Thursday will bring you an intellectual focus, will also be moving away from dwelling on your friends and your social scene and stark dreaming of Spring Break travel plans. Although you’ve been feeling unmotivated and off your academic game recently, Friday will begin a month of ambition – possibly at the wrong time, but midterms, shmidterms. On a different note, Friday and Saturday could be good days for your future career, Maybe you’ll find out about a summer internship (or finally apply for one.) These days will set the tone for a month of ambition and focus.

Leo: July 23-Aug. 22

Wednesday and Thursday will bring mysteries (!) and sexual desires (!!!) as well as possible health diagnoses (if you can make the trek to the Health Center). On Thursday, tackle your chores – it’s really time to finally wash your sheets. You might not realize that you’re living in a shroud of mystery, but you are. Friday will end that mystery. You’re sort of living in the dark ages, but get ready for the Enlightenment, because Friday and our coincidental Spring Break will begin a month of thinking, traveling and overall culture.

Virgo: Aug. 23-Sept. 22

Wednesday will be a classic day of studying, homework, laundry and mild colds. No romance or sex on these days, sorry. However, life will become a little less dull on Thursday, when you are presented with fresh opportunities and chances for cooperation and competition. On Friday, the eve of Spring Break, an extremely strange time for this, your recent relationship phase will verge into commitment. However, before then, all your relationships will be open. So, have a crazy week because evidently you are going from zero to 100 real quickly.

Libra: Sept. 23-Oct. 22

If you can get through the two days before Friday of dull work and mild sickness, you will be greatly rewarded. Wednesday will be a day of slumming it around the dorm. It’s not that warm out yet anyway. Thursday will be a day with a little higher energy and more creativity. Try something new, even if it’s just a new study space. Friday and Saturday will be a welcome change. The weekend will be exciting and begin a month of new relationships and opportunities, so begin break with a bang wherever you are.

Scorpio: Oct. 23-Nov. 21

The emphasis of this week for you is romance. Hell yeah. While everyone else is zombie-like and studying, you will somehow be indulging creative urges and enjoying the beauty and pleasure which surrounds you in muddy, rural Mass. Wednesday will be an active day, full of errands and casual trips across campu: send a package, grab coffee from Tunnel City, and meet a study group. Thursday will be a little more tiring as you will be bogged down with schoolwork. Back to chores (last-minute planning and packing) on Friday and Saturday before you embark on your (romantic?) Spring Break adventure.

Sagittarius: Nov. 22-Dec. 21

For weeks, your more domestic side has been inspiring you, and this will climax on Wednesday and Thursday. I don’t know when you have time to study, but hopefully when your domestic inclinations climax, including nutrition and gardening, you’ll be studying too. Friday and Saturday will be lucky days, full of romance, creativity, and beauty. They will begin a month of just the same, setting a wonderful tone for a crrrrrrazy Spring Break.

Capricorn: Dec. 22-Jan. 18

After this week, you will enjoy a month of serious rest and relaxation. However, you still have a week of errands to run, so just know you can rest when you get there. On Wednesday, you will be fed up with things, so take some time to study alone and really focus on schoolwork. Thursday will be a day of dashing across campus from meeting to meeting, but keep your energy up. Friday and Saturday will bring you home and provide you with a period of hibernation and rest.

Aquarius: Jan. 20-Feb. 18

Although you’ll be tired, this week will be extremely busy and begin and inspire a very busy new month for you. On Wednesday, your energy and efficiency will surge up. Use this effectiveness wisely and get tons of studying and work done for your midterms. Thursday will have slight financial focuses, as you may come into some money just in time for Spring Break. Friday and Saturday will be the catalyst days for your new busy month, but finish all your midterms and keep your life together because your Spring Break will be active and intense.

Pisces: Feb.19-March 20

Although it’s Midterms week, you have a strangely happy week ahead. Wednesday will be a day of energy and optimism. Keep motivating your friends around you who are less thrilled about gambling 40 percent of their grades. On Thursday, your energy will return. You will get your work done smoothly and happily on these days and remain focused and motivated. Friday and Saturday will be similarly smooth days, beginning a new month focused on income and money with plenty of shopping and sensual attractions.

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