One in 2000: Pamela Mishkin

Pamela Mishkin ’15 arrived roughly half an hour late to our “One in 2000” interview on Saturday afternoon. After pondering the lounge options in Mission, we decided to meet on mutual territory in Paresky, a place in which upperclassmen and frosh alike are at home. While her expressions and activities seem to be a little out there, one thing is clear: The Class of 2015 is ready to shake up the College. 

Photo of Pamela Mishkin
Emily Calkins, Photo Editor

Record readers, if there are any of you: I’m being held hostage in an office on the second floor of Paresky. Please rescue me!

Do you really think you’ll still be held hostage on Wednesday? You realize we only print once a week …

I wouldn’t put it past you, Tyler. And not really, but it will be funny, right? I’m feeling a lot of pressure to be funny right now.

Well, how honored do you feel? I’m going back to my original question. 

Pretty honored. Do I get a medal or something?

I heard you broke out a little dance when we first told you that you were “One in 2000.”

Yeah, that one I call “The Boneless Man.” My entry has been making up some dances. It’s been pretty fun. It’s like when you don’t have bones and you just throw your arms around.

[Pamela moves around the Paresky room we are seated in, demonstrating once again the full magic of “The Boneless Man” dance.]

Is this a common phenomenon?

I don’t know, but whenever I do it I accidentally punch myself in the face.

Did you break it out at First Fridays?

Oh yeah. 

You have a responsibility to your class to make 2015 seem cool. All we upperclassmen know about them right now is what we saw at First Fridays …

Ooh that’s rough. Were you at the FFF?

[For those of you not up on Pamela’s snazzy acronym, the FFF is the first First Friday, the night when first-years finally experience the College social scene.]

The FFF? Is that what we’re calling it now?

I’m trying it out. This is the first time. I think I got a pretty good reception from you, so thumbs up. I think you are laughing at me.

I might be. But the readers are going to love it. 

So how’s your year going?

That’s not how this interview goes! I’ll ask the questions here. So what would you say about First Days? Any highlights or low lights you can share on the record?

[Pamela remains silent, instead only making an indescribable face in response to my question.]

What are you taking this semester?

Pamela, you’re missing the point of this interview. The point is for me to interview you, not for you to interview me. So what kind of extracurriculars do you think you’ll be doing at the College? Any sports, maybe?

Well, I’m physically incapable of running. I’ll try to run from point A to point B, but usually I’ll end up at some undetermined point C. Straight lines are hard. See, I can do all the motions on their own. I can pump my arms and move my legs in a running motion. But, it just comes together like half a moose attached to a hippopotamus.

Have you ever tried going on a run?

Well one day this summer I woke up and decided that I was going for a run. But what do you need for a run? An epic running playlist. I ended up spending the next eight hours crafting what I imagine is the perfect running playlist – I wouldn’t know, given that I’ve never actually run. It starts off with like a mellow pump-up song to start getting you in the mood, and then it goes into a “yeah!” pump-up kind of thing, and then it has a slow song because at that point you’re super pumped up so the playlist has to go “whoa, slow down there partner!” It’s about two hours long, so I think I could make it almost a mile before having to go to repeat.

[Uncertain how to precisely respond to that commentary, I begin to laugh. Pamela simply stares at me, with her eyes wide open.]

Pamela, unfortunately your facial expressions aren’t going to really be captured in the text of this article.

I think that rather than talking you should just take pictures of me for my answers. I think that would really capture my essence.

That’s probably true. Most of your communication tends to be nonverbal, doesn’t it?

It does. Or through words that I make up. Like schmupededoop.

Schmupededoop? What does that mean?

It means both everything and nothing. I tend to just take syllables and attach them to one another. I have a new nickname.

What is it?

Moops. Can we start over?

Yes.

Like actually?

No. Have you read “One in 2000” before?

Yes. [While Pamela claims to have read it before, her expression indicates otherwise.]

“One in 2000” is one of the most read components of the Record. 

[Pamela ventures to go ask a complete stranger if they’ve ever read “One in 2000.” The affirmative answer of course supports my claim.]

Now that we have proof that people do in fact read “One in 2000,” why don’t you tell us a funny story? That seems to be your thing. 

All my jokes come in long story form though …

Go for it. We’ll probably have room. 

[Pamela begins to tell a story that in and of itself is long enough to constitute an interview. She mentions something about kindergarten, but Pamela apparently meant it when she claimed her stories are long-winded and overall pretty funny too. For more on that, contact her personally.]