One in 2000

Mastermind Kevin Rose ’11 disclosed several of his best-laid plans to me, but this really just skims the tip of the iceberg. Ask him about playing volleyball at Tyler Annex. Ask him about his enterprising future company and logo. Ask him to show you “the Flutter,” since I didn’t get to see it, then take a picture and tell me if it was cool.
How do you think your name came up for 1 in 2000?

I originally was wondering that myself, but the year after high school I took a year off, and in that time I joined a Rick James cover band. The nights were long and the pants were tight. We were fairly successful, but I decided to branch off on my own into a rap duo that eventually didn’t work out, and I decided to come back here. So that’s the only reason I thought you guys might have picked me.

Duh, but go on.

The rap duo never worked out though I had the names for me and my partner. I was going to be Butter Breadkins – that’s my rap name – and my partner was going to be Gutter Gravy, but I never found a Gutter Gravy. I’m still trying to get this off the ground.

Do you typecast male or female?

I mean I was looking for a hermaphrodite, which is both, but I’ll compromise. It could even be you.

Er, not really my kind of thing. Sorry if that was your intention in agreeing to this meeting.

Actually, this is a great time for us to meet each other because now we can say “hi” to each other in passing, and we can be kind of awkward about it. I thrive on awkward situations.
Going back to something slightly pertinent to music, you took dance classes here and had a move called “the Flutter?”

Yeah, we did this jumping exercise across the stage, and we made up our own moves. [Sizes up interview chamber.] I couldn’t perform it here but maybe on the way out- I can do it down a full flight of stairs.
A full flight of stairs?

I can jump a full flight of stairs. [Frighteningly serious face.]

How about you address community now, Kevin.

If I were to say something to everyone, it would be lighten up and go out Monday through Friday instead of just on the weekends. You only go to college once. It’s a rough job when I’m the only kid stumbling back to his room Monday night. Also, Dodd should have Indian night every week instead of every other week. It’s unbelievable, the best meal on campus. And it’s every other week? Why shouldn’t it be every day?

What else needs doing on campus?

Well, this is what I need to do by senior year. You know how we pay for housing and you can pay for a parking spot? I am going to buy a Winnebago, and I will prefer to park it in Lower Mission and that will be my property. Every night, I’ll go back to my RV – and this will be an old-school RV, as in, I’m talking that I had to tow it into my spot – and I’m going to live there. I’ll hunt or gather, probably more gathering though.
Those squirrels are pretty fat- you could get a few good ones.

The thing about hunting is that you want to kill it, and after I’d kill it, I’d just feel bad. I definitely think that senior year – just to let the word out – the Winnebago will be the party spot. Parties every night. It’ll be heated inside, and it will have an awning so if it’s raining we can go inside, but it might be smelly in there because it will be kind of old since I’m buying it used so we’ll be mostly staying under the awning. I’m inviting you now. You’re actually the first person I told about this although I think about it all the time.

A Record Exclusive! Does it have to be in Lower Mission?

I don’t want to have it anywhere else because Lower Mission has gravel underfoot, and it’s, you know, rural. I’m not trying to park it in Thompson with pavement and BMWs. I’ll be sitting there between classes in a rocking chair with maybe a shotgun and some whiskey.

Will you have a hunting dog?

Yes, I’m going to buy him soon and nurse him until he is a full-grown beast: a golden retriever that will shed all over the inside of the Winnebago. I just want to be the dirtiest kid on campus. That’s my goal in life, to just be dirty, but maybe I’ll change my mind. I change my mind all the time.

Any fun stuff from your past to go with that bright future?

I did two years of pre-K. I wasn’t good at sharing.

I actually failed cutting.

You couldn’t cut? I was a virtuoso. But I really misbehaved in pre-K, and it was shitty because I had such a good time. I was big and I jerked around and thought I was cool, but one day I went to pre-K and all my friends were gone because it was the next year. I felt like an asshole who failed pre-K. I want to know how many Williams kids failed pre-K, and I’ll bet I was the only one.