One in 2000

Following on the heels of a scrumptious Mission dinner, I trekked upstairs to find Michael Marchinetti ’10 lounging in his Mills 3 common room with several members of his entry. I was impressed by the thick copy of the works of William Blake resting on his lap and moreover by the asparagus-colored-cargoes-with-white-socks-and-dark-shoes combo that the book was resting on. We retreated to the back of the common room, where several watchful pairs of first-year eyes peered over the sofas to follow the proceedings carefully.

Any thoughts on being “One in 2000?”

Yeah. It’s really cool. I get to reach out and touch a lot of new people on campus, which is kind of arousing. I’ve secretly wanted to be “One in 2000” for quite some time.

[His phone goes off.]

Want to answer your phone or what?

Yes, please. It’s a friend.

Text or call?

Text. Hold on, I’ll tell her I’m doing “One in 2000.”

Sure. I just ate dinner, so I’m pretty satisfied with sitting around some more.

I love eating in Mission. Mostly because I look like this. [See aforementioned outfit.]
You don’t wear jeans, right?

I don’t wear jeans. My ex-girlfriend actually made me buy a pair of jeans once, and I broke up with her. Not as an immediate consequence or immediately after, but she thought I needed a pair of jeans, and I disagreed.

I actually heard you’d be wearing something like what you’re wearing now.

My wardrobe is a little different, I guess. A lot of cargoes –

Different colors?

No, earth tones. A lot of tube socks though. [He helpfully pulls up his left sock so that a solid four inches of white fabric is now visible above the shoe.]

Just in case I couldn’t see them –

Well, keeping the calves warm.

You have shorts on.

It was warm in my room, so I changed into shorts and kept the socks.

Besides the clothes, let’s talk about WUFO. Can we hear the story of your WUFO name?

Sure. It is Griswold, and I wish it were a bit more racy, but it’s a pretty benign story. I didn’t start playing Frisbee until the winter as a freshman so no one really knew me, and I went on Spring Break as kind of a wild card. I wore Hawaiian t-shirts – and actually the same shorts I’m wearing now but in a different color – tube socks and sneakers, and I believe I had a camera with me, so somebody said I looked like a father going on vacation with his family. I don’t know if you’re a National Lampoon fan, but in the vacation saga, the dad’s name is Clark Griswold. I can get the shirt if you want to see it.

[On his way to his room, four or five helpful first-years toss out a few more lifelines to keep this interview afloat.]

There have been a few requests just now. What were they – my hat, my cow outfit and car?

Yes, but you don’t have to get the car.

It’s behind Mission, and I think we’ll keep it there. Anyway, the hat is gone, which is really a sad thing in my life. I had a winter hat that my dad gave me for Christmas maybe eight years ago. It was a blue hat with cars on it in yellow and black, and it had a little tassel. It looked like turtles, I guess – I wore it around exclusively. We had a good thing going, but I went to California with it over Dead Week and left it in a rental car, so no more.

What car do you drive now?

I drive a Mark 3 Conversion van, which is pretty much as pimp as you can get. It’s actually like a minivan, but huge, and it has a TV, VCR, captain’s chair arrangement and a bench seat that folds down into a bed. It has a six-CD changer, too, so it’s pretty legit.

Like the Mystery Machine from Scooby Doo.

But with an even taller top. We’ve had some fun times it.

Who’s “we?”

The entry, me, WUFO. Whoever needs a ride. I stole a shopping cart with it once, and that was kind of cool.

From an area location maybe?

We don’t need to get into that, right? I got it from [highly classified] for one of our WUFO events. I think it’s still in Spencer basement if you want it [I didn’t, at the time.] or if anyone wants it.

Now the cow costume?

Please.

The cow costume is another WUFO exclusive. I just grabbed it last year as a leftover and wore it all during Homecoming. It was 9 a.m., and I was making eggs with my camp stove behind Mission in a cow costume. It was a trip I guess. You can see the Facebook pictures.

There’s so much outreach going on here, what with the Facebook pictures advertising and giving away a shopping cart and getting your hat back –

I mean, if someone could get my hat back, wow. That’d be amazing. Dollar car rental outside of LAX. Do it.

I’ll try not to let that bit get cut.

Wait, you mean you’re going to cut any of this?

Er, is there anything else we haven’t touched on yet?

[He invokes the first-year arbiters.] Have we not touched on anything?

[“You’re a lady’s man,” is the reply.]

That’s not true. I don’t know if that was recorded –

Your parting shot?

I wish I had worked on this a little more. I don’t want to rip off anybody – maybe some William Blake? It’s right over there. I could get it –

[“Tell them you’re really good at Tetris.”]

Yes, my words of advice would be, “Play Blockles.” B-L-O-C-K-L-E-S. You can Google it.

Well, this has actually been great. Thanks a lot.

No, thank you. This is awesome. Just don’t make me look like a dick or anything.