One in 2000

[bold]I encountered Andrew Goldston, Williams ’08.5 (he’ll be graduating at the end of Winter Study) in a room upstairs in Paresky. I came hot and fresh from a practice with my IM Basketball team, the hopeless BROmantics. I was wearing sweatpants so he couldn’t see my regulation uniform consisting of women’s extra small shorts from Goff’s and purple and gold knee socks, but I think deep down he sensed that my manliness greatly exceeded that of your average 1-in-2K correspondent.

So does being a super senior come with any super senior super powers?[/bold]

Actually, yes, you get the ability to hang out with all sorts of people you wouldn’t have hung out with before. No one really knows how to deal with you, so you can basically walk into situations you wouldn’t have put yourself in before. What are people going to say: “you’re not supposed to be here?” Well yeah, I’m not supposed to be at Williams.

[bold]So you took time off, I guess?[/bold]

Yeah I messed up my back freshman year. I thought I could play WUFO. My spine disagreed with me.

[bold]Huh.[/bold]

For some reason Harvest Dinner was early that year, and I remember staggering and clutching onto stop signs and stuff as I tried to walk from the Frosh Quad to Greylock.

[bold]That sounds like my Harvest Dinner, although probably for a different reason.[/bold]

Well.

[bold]What did you do during your term off? [/bold]

I did get-out-the-vote work for John Kerry in Allentown, Pa.

[bold]I canvassed for Kerry in Allentown! I got chased off more than one yard by some pretty mean looking dogs.[/bold]

I’ve been canvassing in a lot of bad neighborhoods, but the one time I got bit by a dog was in Scarsdale – median house price like $700,000. Frickin’ Scarsdale.

[bold]Any other war stories?[/bold]

[Disgraced New York ex-governor Eliot] Spitzer’s campaign manager owes me 15 bucks. I’m not calling that in.

[bold]You served on CC right?[/bold]

I represent Dodd Neighborhood as the at-large representative.

[bold]What’s the CC accomplishment during your time here that you’re proudest of?[/bold]

Wait – CC accomplishes stuff?

[bold]Touche.[/bold]

CC fought a delaying action on the Paresky being closed at night thing. I thought that [it] handled that well.

[bold]What would you do if you had even more time at Williams?[/bold]

Pester George Marcus [from the Poli Sci department] to teach more classes. I spent this semester getting some college-type stuff out of the way that I hadn’t done before. Now is a good time
for Williams to get rid of me.

[bold]What kind of “college” stuff?[/bold]

The kind of stuff that I don’t want on Google.

[bold]Fair enough. If you could change one thing about Williams with your magic super senior super wand, what would it be?[/bold]

There’s a lot that we wish were different about this place that ultimately can’t be. You can change humans, but you can’t change human nature.

[bold]Any comments about the end of the Morty Era?[/bold]

He’s a nice guy to have at a cocktail party. He’s friendly, and he throws a hell of a party.

[bold]Let’s talk about KAOS – you run it right?[/bold]

I used to run KAOS, actually. I’ve found some good underclassmen to run it this year, and they’ve taken it over from me. I am the institutional memory of KAOS at this point.

[bold]Speak, memory.[/bold]

That myth about the girl who on the first night of KAOS finds a guy at a party and goes home with him, and the guy wakes up the next morning and gets shot by the girl? Yeah that’s not a myth. It happened in ’03 or ’04.

[bold]How’s it going this year?[/bold]

It’s going really smoothly. There have been a lot less rules conflicts this year – the traditional Death Squad approach to rules conflicts is just to shoot everyone involved. We started with 105 people, and now we’re down to our final five or six. The tradition is healthy, we have enough money to award decent prizes and leave a small nest egg for next year.

[bold]You guys don’t take CC money, do you?[/bold]

Sometimes it’s better to operate under the table.

[bold]That’s how we handle the Record, with its bread and circuses.[/bold]

What do you mean by bread and circuses?

[bold]Well obviously by “bread” I meant acid and by “circuses” I meant hookers. I thought that was universally understood.[/bold]

I understand there haven’t been hookers on campus since 2003.

[bold]Well I think you can get strippers from Albany -[/bold]

There’s actually a strip club in North Adams. A friend of mine used to go all the time.

[bold]Have you ever been to a strip club? I never have. [/bold]

The guys I was living with in D.C. over the summer tried really hard to get me to go to one, but it’s not my thing.

[bold]I think I would find it depressing.[/bold]

Yeah it seems like a pretty lame concept to me.

[bold]Looking back, any regrets for picking Williams?[/bold]

If I had it to do over again, I’d come back. Well, no, if I had it to do over again I’d go somewhere else because I’ve already been here. I like this place. It has its drawbacks, but I like this place.