Ask Moesha and Judy

Dear Moesha and Judy,
I recently started flirting with this guy who I think is really nice, smart and funny. The only problem is that I live with him. I have gone through a similar experience and it turned out horribly for me. However, I can’t help but flirt with this guy every time we hang out. A lot of my friends have definitely noticed too, and they all think he likes me. I am just worried that this is inherently a bad idea. I don’t want it to be awkward if things don’t work out, and I know we still have to share close living quarters for the rest of the year. At the same time, I can’t deny our chemistry, and I really don’t want to let something seemingly trivial stop me from pursuing things with a great guy.

Sweet on Suitemate

Dear Sweet on Suitemate,
Have you ever seen a romantic comedy? If you haven’t, here’s how they go: girl is tired of men that are afraid of commitment. Girl meets cute guy. Girl likes guy. Vice Versa. Though guy is clearly attracted to girl, he seems emotionally distant. Suddenly, girl discovers reason why she cannot be with guy, but alas they succumb to desire and get it on anyways. Disaster ensues. Guy and girl are estranged – this estrangement is often accompanied by a lonely, rainy montage. When girl believes all hope is lost, guy arrives at her door with chocolates/flowers/fast car/pudding. Girl and guy express their love physically (again). Simply put, you would be a fool not to pursue this relationship. Who wouldn’t jump at the chance to have a Cameron Diaz-esque love story to tell their children? I say, strap on some high heels, play some sexually charged Beirut and invite me to the wedding. DISCLAIMER: “Cameron Diaz-esque” refers only to Miss Diaz’s movie love lives, not her real love life, which is actually kind of sad.

Moesha

Dear Sweet on Suitemate,
Crushes are tons of fun and I think it’s so exciting that you’ve got one! Normally I’d just hand out hearty congratulations and tell you to run mad game. However, you are right to take heed. The situation is indeed precarious because you two already live together, and you know the woes of living with a hookup that has turned sour. So, I’m going to be the “Negative Nancy” here and tell you not to do it. Things could get bad very fast if you do go through with it, and you’d still have an entire semester of awkwardness. That said, I see nothing wrong with flirting. You deserve a little fun. If it’s truly meant to be, then it will all happen naturally. Although it may take a while to develop, it’s a really good thing in the end.

Judy

Dear Moesha and Judy,
One of my friends has a tendency to say all these disparaging comments that really hurt my feelings. He always says things that are slightly true, but says them in a way that makes it seem like he is judging me. At first I would just laugh awkwardly and pretend like it was completely ridiculous and obviously untrue, but now every time he says anything I wonder if he is trying to reveal all my faults. I definitely think that I am starting to act a lot more hostile to him now because I resent him for the things that he says, and it is really hurting our friendship. I want to tell him that his “jokes” aren’t funny and actually hurt my feelings, but I don’t want to call him out and have him be offended if he actually had no malicious intent for the things that he said.

Non-confrontational Noah

Dear Non-confrontational Noah,
Have you read a Tale of Two Cities? I haven’t, but I imagine it goes something like this: city number one thinks he’s hot stuff, and is always putting down city number two. As is expected, city number two gets tired of the abuse and has a decision to make. City number two decides to improve himself (i.e. improve public transportation, streamline municipal spending and create a program to help the homeless find jobs), thereby making city number one look bad. City number two’s other option, however, is to gather up his male citizens, ages 15-50, and launch a military attack on city number one. The latter option takes less time, less thinking and less preoccupation with details. Clearly it is the superior option. So take it from me (and Charles Dickens) – your friend is cruisin’ for a bruisin’.

Moesha

Dear Non-confrontational Noah,
I get it. Sometimes people say things that aren’t really very nice, though they’re veiled just enough under the thread of “humor” that you don’t know if it’s really okay to be upset. It is. In my family, we call these comments “zingers” and they can be just as devastating as an outright insult and even more frustrating because one is often unsure of an adequate response, which, in my family, is to simply “zing” back. I would not prescribe this course of action for you, though. You don’t have to make a scene, but you do need to tell him the next time he upsets you, and it doesn’t have to involve you talking for hours about your feelings. Tell your friend he is out of line, and do it firmly. You’d be surprised at how quickly he’ll get it.

Judy

Need advice? Ask Moesha and Judy! E-mail askmoeshaandjudy@gmail.com.