Ask Moesha and Judy

Dear Moesha and Judy,
One of my suitemates has been hooking up with this girl. She’s really nice and recently we have actually been hanging out a lot, so I feel like we are good friends. However, my friend always talks about her behind her back, saying that he is only using her as a hook-up. I know that she really likes him, so I feel bad that her feelings are obviously not being reciprocated. Because we are now friends, I also feel obligated to tell her my friend’s true intentions and thoughts about her. Then again, I have not been friends with her as long as my suitemate, so I also think it would be wrong of me to do that to him. I care about both of them, but I constantly feel conflicted when I have conversations with them about the other.

Bro in the Middle

Dear Bro in the Middle,
I had to think long and hard to come up with a solution for you, but I think I’ve found the only way everyone can be a winner in this situation. You need to tell your new friend that her “boyfriend” is madly in love with her. So much so that when she’s sleeping, he takes pictures of her, clips off locks of her hair and even siphons her drool into a vial to keep it in his “[insert friend’s name] box,” a piece of his shrine in her name. This will accomplish two things: she will be turned off by the creepiness, and you won’t be implicated because she won’t tell him that she knows. This way, they will break up and she can move on with some pride. However, just for future reference, stop being nice to the girls your friends are hooking up with unless you’re trying to get in on it too.

Moesha

Dear Bro in the Middle,
Be honest, do you really feel that obligated to tell her your friends true intentions just because you two are friends now, or because you’re kind of into her? It’s thoughtful of you to be concerned about her feelings, but come on, really? I think I know what’s going on here, and you are sort of stuck as the good guy that doesn’t know what the “good” thing to do is. Much of this situation rests in your decision as to which relationship means more to you. If you and your suitemate aren’t super close, then tell her and go for it. But if you are, then exposing him would be mildly inappropriate, not to mention potentially lethal to your friendship. Be sure to ask yourself exactly why you feel so bad about the situation: is it because your friend is being a bit “frat,” or because he’s being a bit “frat” to a girl that you like and for whom you know you’d be a better guy?

Judy

Dear Moesha and Judy,
I met this one girl at the beginning of the year who I thought was pretty nice and friendly. We talked a few times and even made a couple of plans to hang out, but I never thought we were compatible as friends. Now that I have settled in and found my group of close friends, I am happy with my group of friends. However, this girl still calls me to hang out and tries to guilt trip me when I say I have other plans. I don’t dislike her, but she is just not someone I necessarily want to be friends with on campus. At the same time, I don’t want to come off as catty and uncaring because I do think she is a nice person. I just wish she would find her own group of friends and stop making me feel bad for discovering the right niche for me.

New Niche

Dear New Niche,
To me, this situation is a classic example of something you would see on Animal Planet. It seems that she is the hunter, and you are the hunted. Some things animals do to prevent being caught and eaten, or in your case, caught and forced to hang out, include avoidance tactics and camouflage. So first and foremost, stop answering her calls. Duh! This is the most effective avoidance tactic of all – ask any boy you used to hook up with. Secondly, plan your outfits based on where your classes are. If you’re going to Weston, wear a creamy, off-white outfit. If you’re going to Schow, wear grey with silver accessories. This way, the predator will be less able to spot you. However, if push comes to shove, the best defense is a good offense. You should take a page out of the venomous snake’s book and carry some kind of poison around with you at all times. If this girl manages to find you, throw it at her and run.

Moesha

Dear New Niche,
Basically, I’m getting that this is a mild case of you just being not that into her – as a friend. This happens, but it is a very precarious and awkward situation when the situation applies to friendship. Tread lightly – I wouldn’t recommend telling her you don’t want to see her. However, your actions speak louder than words, so if she’s constantly guilt-tripping you, she may start to get it on her own. I am never one to endorse passive aggressiveness, but if ever there were time for it, you’ve found it. Try introducing her to some other people you know. If she is as nice as you say she is, she’ll find friends of her own, but in the meantime, try to empathize a bit.

Judy

Need advice? Ask Moesha and Judy! E-mail askmoeshaandjudy@gmail.com.