One in 2000

Before I met Charlie Dougherty ’09 in his dorm room, I suspected that we were kindred spirits who would hit it off magically: he is a tall lover of music and was a Junior Advisor (JA) last year. A future version of yours truly? I had high hopes.

My frosh are as cool as Sam Cooke, but I’d like you to tell me about your year as a JA.

I’m sorry to say this, and no offense to your frosh, but I had the best entry ever.

Nice, but doesn’t every JA say that? And what entry were you in?

I was Dennett 4, and no, not everyone says that. But I actually do believe it. I’m such an empty nester now.

Whoa, really?! So being a JA really ends up being like a parent? And I thought it was just my innate paternal instincts-

Yeah, this summer will be awful for you. Every time I walked by Mission over the summer I cried a little inside.

What were you doing here this summer?

I was doing research for my history thesis. I’m also a music major.

So I’ve heard. A little birdie told me that you play the upright bass. That’s what’s up, man. Have you ever been in a band?

I’ve been in a few bands at Williams. I used to play in a band called The Love Galaxy Jazztronauts.

Did you guys ever play rap songs on those jazz instruments of yours?

[His eyes light up and I know that I’ve struck a chord, so to speak.]

Yes! We used to play “Still D.R.E.” We had this tall gangly white guy do the rapping part.

That’s sick! That’s one of Dre’s best songs. What’s the bass line like for that one?

Beeeow – Bohhhh – Beeeeoooow.

[He sings the notes in a deep street-inspired tone.]

Yeah, still waters run deep.Question: how tall are you?

6’3”.

How often to people ask you that?

Not very often, actually. But when they do, I never really know the answer. I’m somewhere around 6’2” or 6’3.” Why, do people ask you that question a lot?

Yeah, they do. I’m 6’7” and a half so I get that question all the time.

I bet. Well people always tell me that I’ve grown, especially my parents. But they’re shrinking.

Yup, samesies. So I guess people never come up to you in public and try to make conversation about your height?

No, that never happens. I’m not you tall!

Speaking of being close to the sun, I hear that you sunburn easily.

[Laughing] That’s true. I have two claims to fame: the first is that I once had two golf ball-sized blisters on my shoulders from sunburn. The other is that I once had second degree burns from sunburn on the top of my feet.

That sounds mad painful! How did the feet one happen?

I was at the beach and I was lathering up with sun block and I just forgot to put it on my feet.

I totally know where you’re coming from. There are some parts of the body that are easily forgotten when it’s time to apply sunscreen. Like the back of the hands! It’s so hard to remember that they need sunscreen too because you’re using your hands to rub in all of the lotion, so you assume that your hands are taken care of. Wrong.

I woke up the next morning and the tops of my feet were jiggling. I had to drain the blisters.

Ew man, that’s nasty. Is that one of those things where your boy is saying things like, “Yo man, that’s so gross! Let me see!” while he looks over your shoulder to see stuff ooze out of the blisters?

Well sort of. I drained them at home and my dad was there.

Rough. Any other claims to fame?

I once pooped 11 times in 22 hours.

[I did not know where to start.]

Whoa! Uh, was it a challe-

Oh no! [He proudly smiles as he interrupts me mid-word.]

Then how did this happen?

Some people got me to eat a bowl full of syrup and a plate of stuffing.

Syrup and stuffing? What meal was this?

[I immediately think of Buddy, Will Ferrell’s character from the movie Elf.]

Oh it was brunch. I used to always joke about how much I poop, so one day my friends put me to the test. Yeah, after number six it stopped being enjoyable.

Oh my – Do you know if there’s a Guinness World Record about that? When did you start keeping count? Did you have a witness? Wait, did you cushion your score by pinching one off and then coming back later to finish it?

[Laughs] No, no. It was legit. But brunch was never the same.

Yeah, for sure. Did that ruin Thanksgiving for you? Can you eat waffles anymore?

Well, Thanksgiving is fine – I still love the stuffing. And waffles! [He makes a guttural noise that communicates his love for the brunch food.] I could never give up waffles. Who needs turkey?! I’m just going to have waffles at my Thanksgiving.

Dude, what if you had a lump of cooked waffle batter instead of a turkey? And it was made so that when you sliced it open – rotisserie style – perfect circular waffles with the grid pattern just slid off.

That would be amazing!

I think we just discovered something wonderful.

[Indeed we did; it is called “a new friend.”]