Ask Moesha and Judy

Dear Moesha and Judy,
One of my best friends started dating a guy at the beginning of last year, and they really hit it off. After they had been dating a while, I (and all our other friends) noticed that she became inseparable from her boyfriend. Every time we would make plans, she would always cancel last minute and end up spending time with her beau. They recently broke up, and now she suddenly has time to hang out with me and all of our friends again. However, since she totally ditched us last year and made us feel like her second priorities, none of us really want to hang out with her again. We just don’t know how to deal with her after her breakup without seeming like horrible and spiteful friends.

Friends Again

Dear Friends Again,
What’s wrong with being horrible and spiteful? I think that if you try it, you’ll find it very enjoyable. Here is what you need to do: act like nothing is wrong. Go out with your “friend” every weekend, and when she gets good and drunk, call Security and tell them you have a sick girl with you who needs to go to the hospital. You must make this phone call at every opportunity. This way, she will be carried away on a stretcher at the end of every Friday and/or Saturday night. This will be humiliating for her, and amusing for you. Also, eventually she will probably be “asked to leave” for a year or so. If this is too vindictive for you, you could also sit on her pillow with no pants on, run up a huge tab on her Ephporium account or put toothpicks in her hamburger on pub night. Either way, happy spiting!

Moesha

Dear Friends Again,
Oh, relationships – they seem to have a way of consuming lots of people’s time, and that’s a good thing – sometimes. Maybe that guy was your friend’s first love or maybe she was just really digging him, but either way, she clearly put him instead of you at the top of her Williams-packed to-do list. It was annoying, it was inconsiderate, it was rude and it was selfish, and now of course, cruel irony and the fizzle of young love get to have at her. Trust me, she’s struggling, and I’d even wager that she’s somewhat aware of her precarious position now that she no longer can spend all of her time with her lover/bff/cuddle buddy/beau/big spoon. So, cut the kid a bit of slack. She made a classic amateur mistake, and now she’s paying for it. This is a time when it’s okay to talk about feelings – share yours with her and explain why everything bothers you, but then make sure to conclude with telling her how much you do still care for her as a friend.

Judy

Dear Moesha and Judy,
I used to consistently hook up with this girl last year. However, when she wanted a commitment, I realized that I didn’t really like her in that way. We had the talk and I told her that I didn’t want to be in a relationship with her. The reason why we even started hooking up was because we were really good friends, so I still wanted to hang out after things officially ended. However, she continues to be very persistent in making references to how we should date and still tries to get me to hook up with her again. Every time this happens, we have the talk again and she reassures me (again) that we can still be friends. I don’t know what to do though because obviously she doesn’t get where I’m coming from. But I don’t want this to have to be the reason why we can’t hang out either because I do like her as a friend.

Just Friends

Dear Just Friends,
There are several things you can do about this situation. Whenever this girl talks to you, always look at her like you are confused by what she is saying. If she says, “Do you get what I’m saying?” always reply, “Yes, of course.” But then go right back to looking confused. If she ever asks you to hang out, say something about having lost your quarters, and walk away. Furthermore, you should eat seafood before every dance party, and if she tries to dance with you, try your hardest to throw up near or on her. This may not completely repel her, but it will make her seriously reconsider how attractive you are.

Moesha

Dear Just Friends,
I hate to rain on your seemingly well-intentioned parade, but I think that friendship may not be in the cards for you two, at least not for awhile. You’ve made clear your feelings – or at least you say you have – but she is continually just not getting it. So I’ll let you in on a little secret: sometimes, when girls really, really like someone, they have a bit of trouble accepting that all of their day-dreaming, pining and high hopes have been to no avail. In fact, they may move into a rather intense stage of denial to avoid dealing with the embarrassment and disappointment of unrequited love. This is not your fault, but you are a big part of the problem. Thus, for this young lady’s sake, if you truly consider her a friend, you’ve got to distance yourself. It’s not fun, but it’s the right thing to do until she gets her emotions in check. Otherwise, the friendship has no chance.

Judy

Need advice? Ask Moesha and Judy! E-mail askmoeshaandjudy@gmail.com.