One in 2000

Paresky Lawn. Sun. Fun. Good times. Jess Beck.

First things first. You’re a senior in a double?

I am a senior in a double! For some reason, I’ve actually been in a double for 75 percent of my Williams career. And I’ve had the exact same roommate as well!

So you guys are cuddle buddies.

Yes, we are definitely cuddle buddies. In fact, I would say that we are heteroplatonic life partners. We frequently share the bed together; we share many meals, many stories, some compromising positions –

Will you tell us who she is?

She is a nameless wonder. I don’t know if I could –

She might not even go to Williams.

She might not! But she definitely doesn’t go to Amherst.

Good! Speaking of – I Googled you – did you do some econ thing at Amherst?

It hasn’t happened yet. It happens on Friday.

You’re going to fraternize with the enemy?

I play rugby – we play Amherst on Saturday. Prior to the game I am going to go fraternize with the enemy. But I think of it like this: I go to Williams and I have to go give them my superior, you know, opinion, and insight on economics and then I go the next day and kick their butts. I would say I’m more – advancing the superiority of Williams.

You’re going to own them.

But getting back to my double [in Perry], the reason I’ve had a double for three years is that I have awful luck. Every room draw, I’ve either been in the last three picks of my class or the school. Really, it’s just awful luck.

Where were you sophomore year?

Dodd.

Mmm. Well, there’s no dining hall in Perry.

They did close down the one in Dodd, which is slightly poor because they had wonderful pumpkin muffins. You know, my friends and I, when we lived in Dodd, created a little pumpkin muffin ditty, which I am not going to sing for you.

C’mon. What are the best lines?

It’s very repetitive and goes something along the lines of “Pumpkin muffin, oh pumpkin muffin/ How I love thee / Pumpkin muffin.” For some reason at 6:30 in the morning, when you’re overly exhausted from studying for a test or hung over from partying –

I’ve never done either of those, so I can’t relate.

Okay, you are the atypical Williams student, but it just seems like the right kind of lyrics to be singing in your sketched-out delirium.

Well, pumpkin muffins are always better when you’re a little screwed up. And speaking of Williams, you were a JA – in – not Sage.

I was in D as a frosh.

Did you JA in the Mish?

I’ve never been in the Mish. I was in Willy B. Do you know any B-ers?

I know a bunch of them.

They’re pretty fantastic and I’m slightly biased! I’ve never met a more creative group of thieves in my entire life! [Laughs.] As a JA, it’s highly entertaining when, in the third week of school, your frosh decide to steal the Mission pumpkin. And not only do they decide to steal it, but they develop an extraordinarily in-depth plan that involves one of them opening the cabinets below the salad bar, putting himself into the cabinet for four hours –

Who was that? Can you out him?

He is a dastardly fellow, but because he may have future tricks up his sleeve, I’m not sure if it’s fair to give out his name. But Jason might be a good start.

Maybe Jason.

He did listen to an iPod for four hours while under the salad bar and then help roll the pumpkin into the escape car and proceed to bring it back to the Frosh Quad.

I think it only lasted a night there.

I think some drunk people bludgeoned it.

It had a better life in Mission. Speaking of Frosh Quad days, we had a lot of vandalism in Sage. Someone was peeing in our basement. Did that happen in Willy?

It wasn’t in Willy, but I definitely recall someone peeing in an oven and then every time someone went to bake something – [Laughs]

Woah. Well back to you – your’re an econ major?

Again, I don’t know, I’m not a typical econ major. I’ve taken a lot of public policy kind of things, although I am going to work at a consulting firm, so maybe I am a typical econ major. [Laughs] It’s, let me take lots of public policy courses, then alright, I’ll go sell my soul to the man.

After three years of pretending –

It all came out. I’ll be living in New York City, which is where I’m from. I’ll have some Williams roommates, a lot of rugby girls actually – The key thing about Williams-Amherst rugby is we actually get to bet our jerseys. But you end up wearing them in this match and if you lose, you give an Amherst girl your dirty, disgusting jersey you probably don’t want to own anyway because it’s just so gross.

So, really, it’s a win-win.

Right, if you win, you get their jersey, which they’ve had cleaned and all that jazz. Yeah, it’s a pretty big rivalry and it definitely ends with a lot of – clothes swapping in the more platonic sense.

So don’t think otherwise.

[Chuck Roberts passes by in a Security SUV. I point him out to her.] How fitting. You know, Chuck Roberts came into one of our events last night and told us he was going to smoke us like a cheap cigar if we didn’t give him any of our information.

And then there was silence and crickets.

And then a lot of laughter.