Dear Moe and Jim,
My boyfriend and I broke up a month or so ago, and now he is going out with one of my best friends. Although our relationship was short and not serious, I still think it’s weird that they would start dating without asking me about how I feel. I admit that it does bother me to see them together, but I don’t know if my annoyance is founded. I obviously like both of them, and I want them to be happy, but I wish that they would find other people. Am I right in feeling awkward about this situation or should I just suck it up and accept that they like each other and are happy?
Monkey in the Middle
I don’t feel like looking up the exact quote right now, but I do believe that Proust once said something to the effect of, ”It really sucks when someone you love is somewhere else, having fun without you.” Additionally, Dante defines envy not as wanting for yourself the good fortunes of others, but as wishing harm unto them so that you might feel better about yourself. As far as I know, neither of these citations have anything to do with your question, but I hope that I did at least impress you with my vast literary knowledge.
Dear In the Middle,
Your question is asking two things: first, if your feelings are justified and second, if there is anything that you can do about them. In this situation, you are in the right. A single month is a suspiciously short time for something to have developed between the two of them. But more importantly, it is a short time to get over someone. Your friend should know this ” getting together with your ex-boyfriend who you still have feelings for is tactless and insensitive. As for what you can do about it, the answer is less clear. If they are sincerely happy, and you can learn to live with it, perhaps that is the best route. But if you cannot suffer them together, you have the right to let them know.
Dear Moe and Jim,
For a while now, I have been thinking of transferring to another liberal arts school. It’s not that I don’t have enough friends or don’t have a good time here, because I do, but I feeling like something is missing. I keep wondering if I may be happier at another school without knowing why. Some days I have a perfectly good time and feel challenged, but other times I feel restless and disappointed in the classes and students here. I realize that I am a very fickle person, so I am not sure if this desire is just a passing wish. I don’t want to make the wrong decision and transfer, only to realize that I am no happier than I was before.
Young and Restless
If you ask me, leaving this school would hold immeasurable benefits for the vast majority of the students, if only they knew what to do afterwards. You can go to some other small liberal arts school in the middle of nowhere, but I wouldn’t expect much to be different, let alone better. My advice is to hop a freighter with nothing but a fork and knife set, and see where that gets you.
Dear Young Friend,
A reason to transfer must be specific and fixed. Vague angst will only be replaced by vague angst at a different school, especially if it comes and goes. As for not being challenged, I say you are not taking advantage of the resources at hand. If classes don’t stimulate you, go to your professors’ office hours. If you don’t feel your work is progressing as it should, go to workshops outside of class. Start a book club with friends. You can always find a body of students with shared interests. The important thing is change. If you do nothing, you’ll probably continue as you are. Make a serious effort to create for yourself the college experience you want.
Dear Moe and Jim,
My friends and I always joked about how spring is the ”mating season” on campus. Now, I am looking around and I realize that all my friends actually have found significant others. At first I reveled in my friends’ stories about their hook-ups, but now I am starting to feel like the odd one out. More and more, I find myself without people to hang out with because everyone hangs out with their boyfriends. I can’t help wondering when or whether I will find a ”mate” of my own. I just don’t want to turn out to be the old hag who sits alone in her common room watching A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila.
Bachelorette by Default
I am single. That message is not only intended for whoever wrote this particular question, but in fact to all eligible females who happen to be reading this column. Again, I am single. My schedule is very flexible and I don’t mind a little meat on the bones. (203) 687-8008. Let’s make it happen, baby. No dudes please.
I’m not sure exactly what you’re looking for. I can’t tell you to go find someone to hook up with and hopefully date because that’s unhealthy. These things can’t be forced. And if your friends got with others just for the sake of doing so, they will be no better for it in the end. If you want to be with somebody, pursue the specific person you want to be with. The person you’ll be happiest with is not someone you randomly meet when seeking a random person ” it must be someone you can actually get to know and connect with. The bad thing about this system is that it can take awhile; the good thing is that it always works itself out.