One in 2000

I sat down with Ana Inoa ’10 in her common room on Sunday afternoon. She offered me tea, which induced a flood of memories of our stint together as WOOLF co-leaders. She then offered milk for the tea and began to giggle.

We led a WOOLF trip together.

We sure did!

I know you remember it. You know why? Because you ran into a tree. Explain how.

[Uncontrollable giggling] Well, there was a tree in the way of the path, right? And you know, we “leave no trace,” whatever, you can’t go around the tree, you must go over the tree, but instead of going over the tree, I went into the tree!

Or the tree went into you.

That might’ve been it – the tree attacked me.

A big chunk of your leg was taken out. But what was great was that we ran into an EMT randomly.

The wilderness first aid guy [giggles] who was like, “Stop! I can help.”

And then he was like, “Wait. Go to the hospital.” And we were like, “We’re leading a WOOLF trip, buddy.” But you’re better now.

I have a beautiful scar.

Do you think you’ll ever walk into another tree?

Who knows. I was planning on it.

So are you still a math tutor, TA stuff lady?

Yeah, I TA for one of the 103 and 104 classes.

How’s that going.

It’s great. [Cocks her head and twirls her hair with her index finger. Giggles.] I love TA-ing.

So what are you drinking?

Black tea. I hate coffee. I love tea; it’s delicious. Only snobs drink tea. [Giggles with gusto.]

So what are your summer plans, Ana?

I don’t think I’m doing anything. At all.

Does that mean you’re going to lay in bed for three months?

Yes! [Giggling] It’s going to be awesome! I’m just going to be cryogenically sealed, err I don’t know what that means –

That’s the question: would you want to be cryogenically frozen when you die?

Nope. Nah. Lame. I’d rather be fertilizer for the dirt.

That’s very organic of you, Ana. I didn’t know you were that crunchy.

I’m not. That’s why I wear Crocs.
I don’t think those would break down very easily.

They’re, like, cornstarch! Someone was telling me that if they didn’t have this sealant on them, they’d be edible! – That might be a lie. [Giggle explosion]

What? Where did you meet this person?

Space. I’m from space. Actually, I’m from Walkersville, Maryland.

I remember some things you once told our group about Walkersville. Like your high school has an annual pig roast.

Pig slaughter!

Even better! Lord of the Flies action!

They kill the pigs in the basement and we can smell it from the cafeteria.

That’s amazing. Who kills the pig? Is it just one pig?
I’m not sure. The agricultural department people do it. The Future Farmers of America. I’ve never been a part of it.

Have you seen it? Do they eat the pig?

I didn’t do any watching.

You don’t even go?

No. It was advertised in The Washington Post Magazine; we were one of the 30 best schools in the tri-state area.

For killing pigs?

They include all these great schools like Thomas Jefferson, and why they’re great, and then they write, Walkersville High School, it’s great because they have an annual pig slaughter!

You know what else I remember about you? You love yourself some Harry Potter. How have you been coping with no more books? Are you on painkillers?

Uh, yeah, I take a lot of drugs now. Well, we still have movies to go to, my friends and I. We have our wands and such – robes – I still have two more movies, but after that –

No. You have three. Did you know that the seventh movie’s coming out in two parts? [I push invisible nerd glasses up the bridge of my nose.]

Remember we had a Harry Potter themed WOOLF trip? But Harry Potter on acid.

We had amazing schwag.

I wore my hunting vest the whole time. I have a fear of getting shot, because I feel like I look like an animal.

Oh. I never knew that – about you. What kind of animal?

A big, hairy one. [Awkward pause featuring giggling]

Well, do you have any plans to go hiking this spring?

Yeah, Pine Cobble is really close by, so why not?

Just watch out for the trees.