Ask Moe and Jim

Dear Moe and Jim,
I have been dating my boyfriend for a few weeks, and I recently found out his password for his e-mail and Facebook. I wasn’t going to do anything, but then I got really tempted and looked at his messages anyway. I found all these messages from his ex-girlfriend that suggest she is still interested in him. Usually she is really flirtatious around him, but I never really thought anything of it. Now I want to confront him about this, but I don’t want him to know that I was snooping around behind his back.

Secret snooper

Dear Snooper,
Well, it sounds like he’s not reciprocating, either through Facebook or when she flirts with him; I’m sure that if you asked him, you would sound either a lot bitchier or a lot whinier. If I’m right in assuming this, I wouldn’t worry about it. You can’t blame him if she still thinks he’s a stud, and you should at least take comfort in the fact that she’s probably just making herself look like an idiot and making him less attracted to her.
Moe

Dear Snooper,
Well, you were snooping around his back. There really isn’t any justification for it. What will you tell him? That you were just making sure there weren’t any suspicious messages in his e-mails and – whoops – you found some? These are certainly not the actions of a trusting girlfriend. If you do trust him, then you can trust him to disregard his ex-girlfriend’s entreaties, and if you don’t, there isn’t much reason to be with him. But as you describe it, he isn’t writing any love letters back. It’s common for ex-partners to get hung up. You will just have to get comfortable with it.

Jim

Dear Moe and Jim,
Recently my roommate has been hooking up with a girl every weekend night. I would be happy for him, but now I have basically been turned homeless during the weekends. They always hook up in our room, so I have nowhere to sleep. At first, I didn’t mind crashing on the couch a night or two. However, now they stay in much later, so I am essentially locked out of my room until noon. It’s so irritating because I can’t even do my homework or study. How do I tell them to leave without seeming like the bitter and lonely roommate?

Homeless roommate

Dear Roommate,
Simple solution: ignore the problem altogether. Try to be in your room as much as possible, and make no indication that you have any intentions of leaving. If anything, make them feel uncomfortable and intrusive, so that your roommate, and not you, will begin to feel unwanted in his own room. Next time you enter the room while they are occupying it, just set your things down as if you plan on staying and say something like, “Yeah, so I had plans to play some computer games if you guys don’t mind, so – ” and then just give them a funny look and leave it at that.

Moe

Dear Roommate,
He’s in definite breach of roommate etiquette. You have every right to tell him to go to her room, and he’ll just have to deal with it. As far as the next morning goes, I’d say once the sun rises you’re allowed to go enter your own room, and certainly by nine. They might still be there, but they have to let you in as well. So you won’t be doing anything wrong because they’re being ridiculous, and I’m sure the people you two live with will support you as well.

Jim

Dear Moe and Jim,
I recently broke up with my girlfriend and I thought we were on friendly terms. I tried really hard to talk to her and make sure that she was okay with everything. However, she is always really awkward around me and I think she sometimes pretends she doesn’t see me in public. I also always see her entry and her friends around campus, and I swear they all give me the evil eye. I am not sure if she is still bitter and spreading stuff about me behind my back, but it has gotten really annoying. I think of myself as being pretty chill, but this is really starting to bother me.

Exiled ex-boyfriend

Dear Boyfriend,
The next time you see your ex with her brat posse, strut by them in such a way that you are sure will provoke said contempt from her. When you know they are looking down on you, make it clear that you notice and approach them. Go right up to her and say, “Look babe, what’s this all about? Because if it’s that time when we got blue cheese dressing all over your sheets, keep in mind, that was your idea.” Then her friends will really know who deserves the gawks.

Moe

Dear Boyfriend,
He’s in definite breach of roommate etiquette. You have every right to tell him to go to her room, and he’ll just have to deal with it. As far as the next morning goes, I’d say once the sun rises you’re allowed to enter your own room, and certainly by nine. They might still be there, but they have to let you in as well. So you won’t be doing anything wrong because they’re being ridiculous, and I’m sure the people you two live with will support you as well.

Jim