Ask Moe and Jim

Dear Moe and Jim,

The guy who lives next door to me is always playing his guitar or listening to bad music really loudly. It usually doesn’t bother me, but lately he has been doing it to the point when it is two in the morning and I can still hear him butchering the tunes of Jimi Hendrix. I have early classes and sports practice, so I want to get as much sleep as possible, but it is impossible when he is nocturnal and doesn’t ever stop playing music. I have asked him on multiple occasions to stop his music, and he usually does . . . for half an hour. Other people who live in my hallway are also getting annoyed, but we are not sure what we can do other than break his stupid guitar.

Annoyed Neighbor

Dear Nerdy Neighbor,

I am sorry that you do not recognize good music, or guitar virtuosity for that matter, when you hear it. Just because you come to my door complaining every time I fill the air with my beautiful playing doesn’t mean I shouldn’t have the right to share my gift with the world. I know that I am good, and I refuse to be silenced because you are a nerd who would rather study than rock out. Besides, you have loud sex, and I don’t complain about that.

Moe

Dear Listener,

Well, if you ask him not to and he still plays, then you shouldn’t feel guilty about anything you do to make him stop. If you need to call security on him once, it might be worth it. However, you should try to figure out whether he doesn’t think about the noise that he’s making, or if he does and is just a jerk – though if you get him to buy himself headphones it won’t matter why he does it because you won’t be able to hear his music.

Jim

Dear Moe and Jim,

Even though I realize it is still early, my entry has recently started thinking about who we are going to be rooming with next year. I am really torn because I think my roommate assumes that we are going to be picking in together, but I don’t particularly like her and do not want to live with her next year. There are five other girls who I get along with well and I think we would be a great group. The only problem is that I don’t exactly know how to break this to my roommate. She doesn’t really have friends outside of the entry and she probably won’t get along well with the other entrymates. I don’t want to screw her over, but I don’t want to be screwed and room with her again either. What should I do?

Hernia from Housing

Dear Hernia,

You are right, somebody has to get screwed here, but that simple fact makes your decision quite easy. Declining the opportunity to live with your real friends may be a “nice” thing to do in terms of your roommate’s wants, but at the end of the day somebody will still be getting the short end of the stick, and that person is you. Because it’s you making the decision, it is your interests that should be held in priority. Look out for number one, or you will regret your decision as soon as you step into your dorm on the first day of classes.

Moe

Dear Hernia,

The best way is to tell her is to say you simply don’t have room in your group. That’s a problem that you can’t get around and can’t be blamed for. That is, if it’s true. If it isn’t true, then you should include her. People are always easier to live with in the same hall rather than the same room, and it doesn’t mean you would have to spend an unreasonable amount of time with her.

Jim

Dear Moe and Jim,

I think of myself as a pretty understanding guy, but the hygiene in my bathroom has just gotten ridiculous. I am the only male sharing a bathroom with seven other girls, which seems like a perfect set-up. Apparently I was wrong. There are two girls who don’t wash their hands after going to the bathroom, which is weird, but I’m not going to judge them. But when I walked into the stall the other day I saw the leftovers of their “monthly pains” still in the toilet, I passed my point of tolerance. Sure my bathroom doesn’t smell like urine and cheap aftershave, but I would do anything for these girls to stop acting like barbarians. My only problem is that I don’t know how to get them to do just that.

Bitter Bachelor

Dear Bachelor,

That’s gross. I find myself nauseous after merely reading your question, and can only imagine how distraught their inconsideration must leave you on such a regular basis. The girls that you live with need to realize that, okay, maybe it’s a drag to be a woman, but that doesn’t mean that we should have to share the inconvenience of menstruation. You need to tell these people that such unsanitariness is unacceptable, and that they should perhaps consider how they would react if you were to litter their living quarters with your masculine equivalent.

Moe

Dear Bachelor,

If you don’t want to confront them about it, as it can be an awkward topic, you can just leave an anonymous note from the custodian telling all users of the bathroom to clean up after themselves. This probably should work. If it doesn’t, leave another note threatening a fine, which the custodians can do. If you would feel too weird writing a fake note, use a different bathroom.

Jim

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