I e-mailed Ruth Yoo ’10 late last week to inquire as to whether she wanted to be this week’s One in 2000. This was her reply:
“My neuronal processes in the four seconds after receiving your request: umnoyesmaybe why?not? don’t judge me fame glory power and everlasting love hey I don’t want no epithets thank god no one reads the Record anyways and why did he cut his hair?
so, er, yes.”
I was understandably intrigued. Here’s how our meeting went down:
Hi, I’m . . .
Oh, hi! Would you like some tea?
Uh, sure, why thank you.
I pilfer tea from the dining hall. And cups too. My friends say I should take them back dirty and just get clean ones every time I go.
That’s very economical.
So, when I first got your e-mail I was nervous, because I figure my friends on the Record told you that I staged a wedding with one of my other friends last year and that you should ask me about that. But I don’t want to be known as “That Marriage Girl” around campus.
I did hear about the wedding.
Do you remember last year when they interviewed “Cape Boy” for One in 2000?
Ah yes, Sean Carollo ’07, the Prince of Thieves.
Well, everyone knows him as Cape Boy, and I don’t want to be known as just “Marriage Girl” or anything like that. See, I met Sean last year, and he’s really nice. When we first met he kissed me on the hand. I think his epithet should be “Romantic-kiss-on-the-hand-guy.”
That’s quite a mouthful. Do you have an epithet?
No, see, I’m trying to break down the epithet culture. I’ve got a bunch of projects to get people to actually meet one another. I’m trying to put together a JA dating-like thing, but for the sophomores. Because the sophomores all seem to kinda know one another, but we’re all living so far apart; and we’re all caught in our little groups, it’s hard to get to know new people . . .
Thank you cluster housing.
So, I want to encourage people to go on dates . . . but you know, not capital letters DATES, but lowercase, dates. Also, I’ve started having tea parties.
I want to bring tea parties back. I don’t drink other social liquids. Tea is my social liquid of choice. So, I want to have regular tea parties where I just invite random people, and we all get to meet one another.
Yeah, I had the first one last night. I just invited a bunch of girls over. It was a little awkward but then we went out onto my little Gladden balcony here. We were all like, “Why be warm and safe here when we can be cold out on this dangerous ledge?” The best was the people-watching though. This drunken boy came running up and disappeared into that tree down there, and then it started rustling and quivering and then there he was swinging from some branches. But then he fell down, and we were all like, “Fascinating Tree Climbing Boy, who are you?” And he yelled back, “I’m drunk!” and ran away.
That’s amazing, do you have any obscure tea lore to share with the campus?
Actually, no. Tea is a recent habit of mine and, to be honest, I can’t really tell the difference. I mean, there’s black tea . . . green tea . . . decaffeinated tea. Yeah, maybe I’ll aspire to be a tea snob someday, but right now I don’t have any tea connoisseurship tales.
Cool, so tell me about the wedding.
What about it?
Hmm, well, whose idea was it, where’d you have it, when, what’d you wear, did you have a cake, was there a honeymoon, etc?
That’s why they pay me the big bucks.
Right, well my friend Charlotte [Healy ’10] and I got faux married by a faux rabbi last spring because we both have serious problems identifying what should be just thought about and what should be. We spent a week preparing for it and doing no work. Dining Services gave us a free wedding cake. My parents came. I wore a tux â€“ I was the man, I’m always the man â€“ and Charlotte wore a dress we got from the Women’s Exchange.
Only place I shop.
Hey, can I ask you a question? Why did you cut your hair? Why? You had this barbaric, mysterious, amazing head of hair. Whenever I saw you around I’d just want to run up and run my fingers through your hair â€“ not that that was your campus epithet or anything â€“ but not anymore.
Yeah, I feel like Samson.
And all your Delilahs are gone.
Well said. Any parting words?
Yes, while I have everyone’s attention, my next tea party is November 2. Come to Gladden A4 anytime after 10 to meet people. I’ll provide the tea, and everyone is encouraged to bring music. This is open to anyone. Feel free to drop by. And bring your friends.