So how was your Homecoming?
It was OK. I transferred to Williams this year, so I went back to Columbia and visited friends. Sort of a personal Homecoming.
Way to show school spirit and assimilate.
Well, I’ve never really been into the whole Homecoming thing anyway. I didn’t go to Homecoming my two years at Columbia either.
Then I guess I have to throw out the question about how you would compare Homecoming at Columbia to Homecoming at Williams.
That’s OK. Let’s do other comparisons instead. Libraries?
Oh, I love Schow.
Yeah. I especially like the chalkboards in the study rooms. At Columbia, everything was converted to whiteboards, and I hate the smell of the markers. Chalkboards are very old school, and they’ve got that great sound.
Of course whiteboards are more cost-efficient, easier on the eyes, and they don’t throw up huge clouds of chalk that cover the classroom in dust.
I hadn’t heard those arguments. But I’m proud to stand astride the rails of progress shouting “stop.”
OK. Hotter guys?
I’d say Williams. There are more athletes here, which tilts the scales a bit.
Advantage-Williams. Although the judges are instructed to keep in mind that Joanna may have an improper bias towards complimenting the guys at the school she now attends.
I thought I was the judge. Who are these other judges?
No. If you were the judge I would just ask you which school is better. You’re just providing the data on specific parameters, and the real judges determine a winner.
Here comes a tough one. Hotter professors?
Ooh, that is a tough one. A lot of the professors that I have had here are old, which complicates things.
You do realize that since this is your first semester at Williams, you have only had four professors and they know who they are and that you are talking about them.
[Look of sheer terror crosses face.] Do professors read the newspaper?
Everyone reads One in 2000.
Can we just get to another topic quickly?
I’ve only had one room here, but it’s much better than anything I had at Columbia. Also, when I was there over the weekend, we woke up on Saturday morning and someone had vomited in the hallway and it didn’t get cleaned up for the whole day even though we kept calling the equivalent of B&G. I think they don’t work on the weekend. So huge edge to Williams for our amazing, caring and helpful staff.
Does Williams have a student government? I wasn’t aware.
CC. . .co-presidents. . .does any of this ring a bell?
No. Sorry. What do they do?
Don’t worry about it …we’ll just move on. I know you’re from “just outside Boston,” so what was it like going to school in New York. Is it a den of Yankee inequity?
Not really. We had a sizable Red Sox contingent. But people just aren’t into sports. I would usually be the only person watching the games.
Big Red Sox fan?
Huge. I actually worked for the Sox over the past two summers as a Fenway Ambassador, which basically means a customer relations person.
Did you get to meet Theo?
How hot is he!?
Actually, he has a girlfriend now. She was with him on the float at the [World Series] parade.
Was she cute?
Not really. I wasn’t impressed. Fake tan, bleached blonde.
You sound bitter.
I might be a bit resentful.
So you mentioned the parade. . .I take it you were in attendance?
Yeah. I actually got to ride on one of the floats, although not with any players. I was with a bunch of other front office people on the second to last one. It was amazing.
Wow! So as part of your job do you get to hang out with the players and stuff?
I saw Nomar a couple of times.
Ooh. There we go. Is he the clubhouse cancer that some say?
He’s not a nice guy. I’ve heard stories.
Can you tell one now?
I’m not sure if that would be appropriate.
Please? It would make me feel like a real journalist. Please?
OK. A kid that had cancer was part of the Make-a-Wish program and his wish was to see Nomar. So the whole thing got set up, and then an hour before Nomar was supposed to go, he decided that he was too tired after the day’s game and cancelled. They were going to reschedule but the kid died too soon and Nomar didn’t do anything for the family or anything.
That’s pretty awful.
Like I said. He wasn’t the most popular guy on the team.
I heard the players voted him a full World Series share, and a ring. Is that true?
I think so, yeah.
What a bunch of idiots.