One-in-2000: Maia Troxel

So the tables have turned: You’ve gone from editor to interviewee. How does that make you feel?

Woo-hoo.

The interviewee really makes the One-in-2000. If people are reading this and find it to be an awful waste of time then that’s your fault, and if it’s successful then years down the line people will say, “Do you remember the One-in-2000 of Maia Troxel ’03?”

Oh, thanks.

OK, let’s get started.

Snack Bar PA System: “205”

Hold on a second. [Mike comes back with food]

Did you not eat lunch?

No, I was playing golf

Who’d you play with?

Professors MacDonald and McAllister.

Big Mac and Little Mac.

Prof. McAllister is just starting to play.

Really. How is he?

. . .Improving.

Is he better than Morty?

Morty stacked his team for the student-faculty golf tournament last weekend.

Yeah, I heard about the tournament. How was it?

He put Will Sicks ’03, who is the best player on the golf team, on his team so they could win.

Are you serious?

Yeah, they finished second-to-last though.

Ouch. Granted I don’t play golf myself, so I shouldn’t be talking. Did you go to the Roots last night?

Don’t I ask the questions? But yeah, I did. I heard they covered “Lose Yourself” before I got there, so I’m kind of bummed I missed that. I was watching the end of the Mets-Dodgers game. Over the last three games, they’ve scored four runs.

But they won big-time against someone like a week ago. I think it was Tuesday a week ago. I feel like I saw it on the screen at the Log during Irish Pub Night.

Irish Pub Night is great.

I love Irish Pub Night. It’s fun, it’s relaxed.

You might even go so far as to say chill.

It’s definitely chill. Especially considering I only have one class on Wednesdays, which I audit.

What class?

Art History 102, it’s great.

If my mother reads this I’m going to hear nothing all summer except how I should take an Art History class.

You should, it’s great. You’re from New York, you should be able to go into one of the museums and say “Yes, I studied this in Art History.”

She’s loving this.

You remind me of last week on Friends. Joey starts dating this woman who’s super-smart, super-intellectual, just the opposite of everything he’s ever dated, been, just everything. And he’s trying to figure out things to do in New York to impress her because she’s just moved to the city and he’s like, “Yeah, we’ll go see sports games, and we’ll go eat pizza” and she’s like “I want to go to the Met.” And Joey’s like “the Metsss, there’s an s.” And she says, “No, the Met.” And he says, “There’s an s.” And she says, “No, the museum.” And he’d never heard of it before.

I’ve heard of the Met. Anyway, what are your plans for after college?

Well, I’m still looking for a job. I’m going to go to D.C. Everything I’m looking at is down there because that’s the name of the game. I’m looking mostly at NGOs. The one that I really want to work has a permanent contract with the Department of State and they organize conferences and programs for people from overseas who are designated by a post overseas to come to the U.S. to learn about whatever it is they come to learn about.

Your friend Jen told me you were thinking of becoming a “grammar whore.” What is a “grammar whore” and how does it differ from a “grammar upstanding-citizen?”

A grammar upstanding-citizen helps people out with their grammar and says “you know, the difference between I and me is. . .” A grammar whore sells her wares. Basically, I would stand on street corners selling grammar tips. It’s more of a survival thing rather than an altruistic, helping-humanity type thing.

One thing I’ve always wondered is when you’re sending an e-mail to lots of people, how do you start off the e-mail?

Well, I usually write “dear all” or “hi all” or something like that.

I guess what I’m getting at is that there’s no second-person plural in the English language.

Except in Texas? Is that what you’re getting out? The y’all issue? I have a suitemate from Texas and thinks he knows how to spell y’all. He thinks you spell it ya’ll, which would make it come from ya all. It comes from you all and should be spelled y’all. If you look at dictionaries that have the spelling ya’ll it says “nonstandard” which means grammatically incorrect. This was a source of tension in my suite for a while.

I wouldn’t mess with a kid from Texas.

You just want me to say “don’t mess with Texas” or what? I’m not scared of Patrick.

I say “all y’all.” I think it sounds authentically Texan and, as a self-hating New Yorker, I like that. Anyway, we need to wrap this up. You and Mayo Shattuck were the only members of the class of 2003 to serve on the Record board all of last year. What comes to mind where you hear “Mayo Shattuck”?

I like and respect him very much.

I’m trying to do some hard-hitting journalism here. That’s not a response. That’s boilerplate nonsense. Let’s talk about his mullet.

His hair has grown on me. In the beginning I wasn’t so convinced, but by now I don’t really notice it. In the beginning I didn’t like it, but I thought it was a good step away from the preppy look. It’s really the combination of the bohemian hair and the pink or orange pants that clash.