Glory Days

Well, my time at this place is winding down. Let’s look back at the highlights from the past four years:

It was Todd losing the helmets and Barnard saying “I have no earthly idea how a human being could do something like this” and Vern getting a standing O at the football banquet and Vern on top of a table yelling “I’m retired, I’m retired!” and Folan hitting threes from everywhere and the Chef’s Hat and Sica ordering three calzones for himself from Colonial and bobbing for shots and East 2 and “You knows I gotz to be hittin’ up the snizzel bizzel” and playing chandeliers at Canterbury’s and Jaypo and the Weasels (IM hoops) and Jaypo and the Weasels (the band) and the Roast and Bhat masks and storming the field against Amherst after beating them in OT and beach volleyball and beirut on the balc’ and getting one snap in three years and one-two-three-fudge-five-six-seven is silent-eight is opposite-nine-CAKE and winning the Homestead Challenge and not being able to get any girls freshman year because our heads were shaved and everyone refusing to leave the Christmas party even after Security busted it up and football skits and baseball awards and the walk up Spring St. into the barber shop and getting a triple Mohawk and cutting down the nets in front of Amherst and The Rave and Thursdays at The Log and First Fridays and outside at the Pub and “Watch It!” and having every home game rained out and snow in May and kegs and eggs and rack ’em and send ’em and Nelly Furtado time and front cup specialist and the flux capacitor and candy every Friday at football practice and Sunday Funday and Tuesday Boozeday and Perry Prom and What Would You Do For A Dollar and 3-D Porn and trying to wake up Sica for anything and Vern getting floored by Amy and Wild Rymo and Big Will acting like a housewife and trying to get girls to pay for anything and BBQ at the Annex and The Union and Baby Meop and the Tones and Parrish’s mattress in the hallway and “Sicks’ mom is a commanding woman” and Big Will flinging a table through a window and naked Gerrity and Bill Gates’ birthday party and “Captain Excitement” and Vance and “Mow” and Bobby C pitching his ass off against Trinity and Fuller covered in garbage and Meadow Beach Party and Todd’s escapades on the Cape and Pettrone’s sister and eight bucks and CDB’s and the Mons and Ybor City and South Beach and The Narc and Canterbury’s getting raided and Late Night B and naked beirut and Hoxsey and Salad and final night at the Annex and Fitz finally drinking and Sica dropping the people’s elbow on the plywood and Schulman’s little accident and risers at the Super Bowl party and DeMuth’s tip-in against Wooster and Gerrity’s basement and the Dojo and golf at Taconic and Tracy’s blackout BBQ and the sound of any Karczewski yak and Vern with Big Rach and Jaypo’s friend from Maryland and Jackie’s friend from Singapore and Madden and Vice City and NASCAR Thunder and Sunday’s at 101 North and Austin’s silent laugh and Stone Cold Sands and the Gentle Brontosaurus and the Chinese Baby and the Hurricane and Jebidiah the Bear and Chavez Hayes and Kramyswell and Handsome Gabs and Sausage Links and the Bomb Squad and the Slam Pigs and Club Canterbury’s and driving to Amherst after 100 days and Guy getting skunked and bizarros and “every conceivable position” and Downtown Jones and Sadness and FTFers and Change Your Life and Babcock stealing your woman and Power Hours and Century Club and “You Like That” and the Pub has gone digital and “The Predator” and $15 pitchers of LIT’s and green fleece, gray windpants and Bruce at The Garden and Bon Jovi at Giants Stadium and “The Runt of the Little 3” and “Got Eph?” and mixed doubles beirut and Kimmer’s broken face and praying for Mountain Day and not seeing the sun during Winter Study and Brooks Late Night and Big Daddy’s wrath in class and Jaypo Fever and Captain and Jim and Jack and Jose and The Forge and The Punisher and Sam’s Not Here Disease and broken beds and broken noses and broken arms and squash and Fun Van and 18 Bucks and The Yoda and The Meany and Fuller in math class and Perry Late Night with Bez, Amy, Stump and Skef and doing the radio with Vern and “a lot of kneepads” and Thursday night All-Stars and the Dog Pound and the Grab n’ Go Nazi and Okemo and Meadow bonfires and “It was CRAZY and AMAZING” and hotel party after NCAA title and FAC at Canterbury’s and DeLuca on The Price Is Right and “this and that” and Friend’s catch against Amherst and COD Badboy and Alana Break and the Triple Crown and 7/11 doubles and flip the cup and Kings and Zoomie Zoomie and the Whitesnake and not letting the lady cut your hair at the barber shop and Mel’s stuffy nose and one-bar college towns and old parties at Agard and Scotty and Dingman and wasting thousands of dollars on washed up bands and “You better pray to God. . .or I will end your life” and graduation weekends and Bobby C’s $$$ pants and “Okay, I’m out of here” and Sunday brunch and anytime Livin’ on a Prayer comes on at a party and Kate beating cancer and the Ti-Bo Fro and anything that came out of Steff’s mouth and funneling Mad Dogs and Jen A’s streak of pee and puke in Sandser’s room and Sicks the eligible bachelor and ice luges and D-Train looking like Emilio Estevez and Miss Adam’s Diner and “Go ugly early” and Genny Light and jersey night and “Jay, she has a boyfriend” and Mojack races and Trace and Sica mud sliding and The Factor and sweater kittens and tub full of Busch and Kramer’s Olympic suit and Big Joe Vita and where are all the senior girls? and dude sweet lax and 100 wins for hoops and baseball seniors and countless others with everyone, especially Vern and Jaypo and Will and Sica and Beth and Kate and Trace and Krick and Catherine and Alana and Todd and Laynger and Sicks and Bobby C.

And after all that, I guess there’s only one thing left to say. In the words of Billy Madison, “Peace, I’m outta here!”

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