One-in-2000: Phil Foxworthy

So, Phil. You’re from New York City. What do you think of Williamstown?

Um, it’s very small and secluded.

But you live in Morgan; it’s the “urban” dorm, right?

If you want to call it that, sure.

Morgan is definitely, by far, the coolest place to live. Highly underrated. How is it living in the basement?

The Morgan East basement f—ing rules all. We are the best of the best. This is what makes Morgan East Morgan East – the basement boys. We’re responsible for all the parties and all the fun that goes on.

I’m intrigued by your bathroom. In particular, the bathtub. Have you ever taken a bath in it?

I have not – I don’t want to know all of the grimy things that are in that bathtub. Especially after a weekend where someone threw up in the sink.

Not cool.

Yeah, pretty gross.

Speaking of the weekend, you’re on the rugby team. You guys had a big win against Amherst on Sunday.

Yeah, it was a lot of fun. It was my second rugby game and the second time I actually scored. And I hope to keep that up.

So how’d you score?

How did I score? Well, I remember all these big guys doing all the work and then the ball got passed to me, and I spun off one guy and dove into the charger.

As far as rugby terms go, don’t you find the position name “scrum” a little strange?

Yeah, I guess. I mean, it kind of reminds me of “scrotum.”

Anyways, fun celebrations after your win?

Oh, yes. The bonfire was definitely a lot of fun.

That was at the Blue House, right?

Yeah, that house is pretty far away. I really don’t remember how I got home, but it was awesome.

Yeah, getting back from the Blue House can be pretty entertaining. Especially in the middle of winter. I guess it’s kind of good though. Every time I’ve walked there, I’ve frozen all the way there but been toasty and warm all the way back! And that’s including a couple of unfortunate run-ins with snow-drifts. . .

Oh, really?

I’ve got to ask because of the name: Jeff Foxworthy fan?

Well, you might be a redneck if you have a gun in the back of your pickup. Yes, my family is definitely Foxworthy fans.

Are you a redneck?

Far from it.

I’ll believe that. Ok, then. Yankees or Mets?

Mets. Gotta believe. I hate the Yankees with a passion.

On an entirely unrelated note, I’ve noticed you’ve been sporting some new facial hair recently. How’s that going?

Yeah, I’m still debating. Taking second opinions and all. I’m trying to do the whole “different” thing. Maybe look a little older, ’cause, you know, I do look like a baby.

I’ve heard you like older women, too.

Wait, what? Where’d you hear that?

So is the facial hair improving your game? I’ve heard you have mad game.

Really?

Yes, from multiple people. It’s a well-known fact: “Phil’s got game!”

I’d like to say I have mad game, but I really don’t think so.

So, no tips for the rest of us?

I’d say just, you know, be your normal, happy self. People like happy people.

I’m all about the happy people. In fact, you’re kind of encapsulating my entire philosophy here.

It’s hard not to like someone who’s happy. But as for game, I’d definitely say I don’t have much. I wish I did, but I don’t.

What are going to be your fondest freshman memories?

The Morgan East basement boys’ parties, always a blast. And there was one night at the Rectory where we, uh, played “Jurassic Park” on the second floor outside the rooms. It was quite fun, actually.

What exactly does “playing ‘Jurassic Park’” entail?

It’s when we all pretend we’re dinosaurs and we chase each other around

So that is the source of your game, right?

Yep, playing dinosaurs. Ladies love the dinosaurs.

Future plans?

You know, gettin’ jiggy at those dance parties.

Going to keep it up for the next three years?

That’s the plan, that’s the plan.

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