Ok, let’s talk about this party last night?
Am I allowed to say “f—?”
Yeah, we’ll bleep it.
It was here, I guess.
Here would be. . .let’s give the readers a context.
The Rectory, where I lives, where I abides.
Can you give a broad stroke of what it’s like to live in the Rectory; the cast of characters, if you will?
Oh my sweet damn, we do have a cast of characters.
Do you want to go through in alphabetical order, or whoever comes up first?
This is serious potential trouble, I could bite myself in the a– on this one. There’s “Browser” Linen, Ethan Linen, the “Browse.”
Where does the “Browse” get his nickname?
Oh, there’s a long etymology behind it that I’m not going to go into.
But, suffice to say, he’s the “Browse.”
When you think of him, what’s the one image that pops into your head?
Almost getting the s—beat out of him by the Harvard football team freshman year.
That sounds like a story we should definitely hear.
Uh, yeah. Browse started talking s— to this guy who had an eyepatch, a large man on the football team. I don’t know how he played football with an eyepatch, that’s neither here nor there. I can’t remember what he said, but mostly it consisted of him saying “Fo-Fo! Damn you should be playing fullback.” At which point I quickly looked over to Dylan Smith, another one of my housemates, and Saif Vagh, another one of my housemates, and said, “If Browse gets his a– kicked tonight, I do not have his back.” Which may make me a bad friend, but. . .
How did that situation work out?
I actually talked to those guys, and was like “Sorry, he doesn’t know what the hell he’s saying.” He’s a sweet boy, though, and I love him dearly. So that’s the tale.
That’s a good tale, that’s a good yarn. Do you want to talk about that noise in the background?
I think that’s Saif. I don’t know, ‘cause I haven’t been in the hallway in a while, but I think that’s Saif vacuuming up the vomit in his antechamber. He has a small room off the hallway.
Does he have the only antechamber on campus?
I don’t know. I haven’t seen another one, but his room has a small, I don’t even know, it’s like the size of a closet, but it has a window and it opens into his room and then into the main hallway. And it’s not even big enough to put any furniture in it.
But enough room for someone to keel over and vomit?
I guess so, evidently. Yeah, he’s pretty pleased about it. I woke up this morning remembering that somebody yakked in there and thought it was pretty damn funny and went to laugh with him and he didn’t find it nearly as amusing. He was upset that I was laughing at his misfortune.
What’s this I hear about you starting an underground fraternity? Is this something you can talk about?
No. Hell, no. Who’s starting an underground fraternity? I don’t know what you’re talking about.
On the topic of underground fraternities. . . “Old School:” Luke Wilson, Vince Vaughn or Will Ferrell?
Yeah, the cast made me want to cream myself. I rarely if ever get excited by a movie before it comes out, but I’ve got a serious man-crush on Vince Vaughn, and Will Ferrell’s just about the funniest man in North America. I also thought Luke Wilson was a good call. I’m a big fan of Luke Wilson; I know everyone loves Owen, I like him too. The Wilson brothers are holding it down with the Texas roots.
Speaking of Texas roots, this room paints a very affectionate picture of Texas, not to mention the sweatshirt that you’re wearing.
You like my white on white? It’s Sunday, man, you got to wear your Sunday best.
I’m just admiring your videos. Quite an interesting collection you’ve got.
It’s the largest collection of s—–comedies you’ve ever seen.
Would you say you live and breathe s—– comedies?
I feel like I am a s—– comedy. If anyone wants to know, personal recommendation, worst movie ever is Adam Sandler’s first flick “Going Overboard.” Like a $4 purchase. I thought like, “I’m going to rent it at some point, might as well buy it.” Terrible, like really painful to watch. I’ve only watched it one and a half times, couldn’t make it through the second time.
What’s the plot?
I don’t know, you can read the back, I can’t even remember, it’s just totally incoherent. It just makes no sense.