One in 2000 with Julia Karoly

Karoly the senior! How’s senior spring treating you? Having fun?

The question is how am I treating senior spring?

Well then, how are you treating senior spring? Are you still going to class?

Um, yeah. Kind of. I mean, I’m going to class, but beyond that, I don’t really know. Here’s a little example: on Friday morning, I was running to my class, Intro to the Novel. It was 10 a.m., and I thought to myself, “Wow, it’s only been five hours since I chugged my last beer.” Wait! My parents might read this!

They’ll be so proud!

Anyways, I was running to class on little sleep and I saw some random girl – I think her name is Adrienne, and I just stole her bagel out of her hand. Then, I stole her Nantucket Nectar, just like that. Thanks for the bagel, Adrienne, wherever you may be.

That poor girl must be so hungry.

I’m 21, by the way. I’m allowed to drink beer. Speaking of 21, on June 21, the next Harry Potter is coming out. That will be one occasion when I turn both my IM and my cell phone off. I have to read the entire book with no distractions. I think I might live in a cave for the day, although I’m claustrophobic, so I don’t know how that would work out.

[Slaps interviewer across the arm randomly in excitement.]

Maria, stop being such a wuss!

Sorry, Julia, you are so cool. How could I forget?

I’m so cool that I’m going to start writing my own chalkings around campus. Today, I was walking around and I see a chalking that says, “Yay for Gay” and then, right next to it, a chalking that says “Jesus has Risen,” and then, right next to that, a chalking that says, “4-20 POT DAY.” Isn’t it nice to know that everyone is finally getting along? So, anyway, that really inspired me to do my own chalkings. I call them, “The Julia Karoly Chalkings.”

So, what are they going to say? Are you advocating for something?

Oh, you know, “Julia Karoly wants YOU to call her – extension 6062,” and “Julia Karoly, urban legend or actual Williams College student?” Maybe “Julia Karoly: Need I say more?” At this point, I’d like to take a brief interlude to talk about Jack Handey. I think he’s just brilliant.

What’s your favorite deep thought?

I think it’s, “Why do people in ship mutinies always ask for ‘better treatment’? I’d ask for a pinball machine, because with all that rocking back and forth you’d probably be able to get a lot of free games.” Honestly, that’s so true. Think about it. [long pause]

Wow. That’s deep.

Dude. I know. I’m so inspired by his deep thoughts that I’ve been trying to think of my own. It’s hard.

Care to share one with the Williams community?

Well, here goes.

“I was walking back from the Snack Bar, trying to eat fries and stop my pants from falling down at the same time. I thought, man, these are not very good pants. Then I thought, man, these are not very good fries either. So I chucked my pants, but kept the fries, because hunger is a lot worse than nudity.”

Is that a true story, Karoly?

Yes. In fact, it was very frustrating!

So, where are the pants now?

I gave them away, for real. I got back to my room and I started ranting to my suitemate, Evelyn, about my inability to hold them up and eat my fries at the same time. I’m so weird. Are people going to think I’m a freak?

No. Keep going, Karoly.

And I told her, “Evelyn, I’ve had enough of these pants.” And she said, “I like those pants.” So I said “Take them! Take the stupid pants!” and I threw them at her and continued to eat my fries. She was a little freaked out. I’m over it now though. I’m a better person because of it. I came out stronger in the end. Anyway, another issue on this campus is lack of nighttime activities. My friends and I are attempting to learn the sparkle-motion dance and dance to it at all-campus row house parties.

What’s the sparkle-motion dance?

Well, it’s from a movie called “Donnie Darko.” But it’s really an entity in and of itself. It’s this group of 10-year-old girls. And they are performing in a school talent show, wearing silver body suits, dancing to that song that goes ‘no-no-notorious.’ Oh, and it’s also the 80s, which makes it a whole lot better, of course. And they start dancing and doing all these weird moves. Anyway, we’re going to learn it and perform it. Watch out, Williams College! Here it comes!

Can I audition for this? Or is it an exclusive group?

Maria, sometimes I doubt your commitment to sparkle-motion.

Whatever, Karoly.

Anyway, I’ve got to get back to doing senior spring-type things. You’re already way ahead of me, and I’m not happy about it.

Good luck.

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