See UL later…

Last year, CUL (Continually Undermining Logic) dropped a bombshell when it reduced room draw groups from seven to four, forced gender balancing in the houses and imposed a blind pick-in. A year has gone by now and nothing has changed.

Student protest and College Council (CC) promises diminished after the room draw was over. CUL won the battle and seems to have won the war: It announced earlier in the year that it was considering reducing pick-in groups to one or two, which begs the question: Who is going to win American Idol? However, I am also curious about what CUL is up to now. I went on a little fact-finding trip to see what CUL is doing.

I discovered that the committee is considering requiring everyone to pick-in with at least one minority, one jock, one nerd and one stereotype to be announced. Moreover, the room draw is now going to be double blind.

Not only will you be unable to see who occupies the rooms adjacent to the one you are considering, you will now not be able to see if anyone is in the room. That’s right, you might end up picking into a single with a person already in it. Here’s to hoping I pick into a room with a girl! CUL has also started a preliminary discussion to ensure that smokers will always light up with a diverse group of fellow cancer-lovers.

They also signed a deal with the laundry machine company: You will not be allowed to wash whites separately anymore — a condition leading to the 25-cent increase in prices.

CUL seems undaunted in ruining everyone’s college experience by forcing us to live with strangers. One of the first things your mom tells you is not to talk to strangers, which is hard considering I live with them. In addition, the committee is trying to encourage us to go out and meet people.

If I wanted to meet people I would not normally get to meet, I would just join the Role Playing Society. One of CUL’s aims was to eliminate “Jock Houses” – a fairly successful endeavor, if you do not count Tyler Annex and Gladden. Just out of curiosity, why does the CUL never try to break-up “Nerd Houses?”

CUL might be facing its toughest challenge this year. Greylock will be transformed into a construction site by next September, and all students will be given hardhats and told to watch out for falling objects and GPAs. Meanwhile, Mission will be renovated with state-of-the-art common rooms, cable and hot and cold running girls. Oh wait. . .housing does not want students to know that Mission will be even better next year.

They figure that if they do not release the housing plans, rising juniors will not be tempted to pick into Mission again. Why should this year’s freshmen get better housing then this year’s sophomores? I say screw the freshmen — we should force them to pick into Greylock.

CUL has done nothing in the past year, and students (especially CC) have done nothing either. We complained last March when they changed the room draw, and we will complain again this March and probably next March as well. Will we ever do anything?

No, we will be too busy trying to avoid cranes in Greylock. Seriously, why should we take action when we can complain instead? Remember: Do not place the blame on CC or on yourself (perish the thought) – rather, blame CUL, or just use the usual scapegoats, Dean Roseman and President Schapiro.

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