How was your Winter Study?
Great! I did a 99 on the physics of pool.
And what are they?
Well, I learned some cool tricks.
So there aren’t any physics, are there?
Yes there are. It’s actually really interesting. The game changed drastically when they started putting the blue chalk on the cues, because it allowed them to put spin on the ball. It’s called “English” because it was the English who first did it. In England they call it “side”.
The English also call french fries “chips.” How do you feel about that?
Eh. They can call it whatever they want, but when I hear “chips” I think of potato chips. Maybe if I were living there or something it would matter.
How do you feel about “trousers”?
Trousers is a funny word.
Yes, it is. Why study the physics of pool?
Actually, I wanted to stay at home to rehab my shoulder because I had surgery on it in December. And I’ve always liked to play pool.
What happened to your shoulder?
I’ve had a bad shoulder for a long time, but when I dislocated it this fall, it was pretty serious, so I opted to get the surgery.
How did you dislocate it?
I was waving at somebody.
Good for you. I think we could all do with a little more enthusiasm from those who wave to us. Who were you waving at?
I don’t even know.
Then why the enthusiasm?
I was crossing Route 2, and someone drove by, and I thought I knew them, and. . .well, they said, “Hey man, nice hair,” and I said thanks and gave them a big wave and it threw out my arm.
Why do you have that hair?
It’s fun. I enjoy getting the attention.
So you’re a shameless publicity whore?
Well, no. That’s not the only reason.
I got a valentine on Friday that said, “I really like your hair, your secret admirer.”
So the ladies like the hair?
Well, not to toot my own horn, but let’s just say I haven’t heard any complaints.
Does it smell bad?
No. Do you want to smell some?
Do you want to smell my moldy cheese?
It’s actually pretty clean. I wash it at least every week. I don’t wash it every time I shower because it’s such a project, very high maintenance. And it’s kind of nice to know what women go through to manage their hair.
Like in that Mel Gibson movie.
“Braveheart?” Great movie.
He had pretty nasty hair in that one. But no, the one where he knows what women are thinking.
Oh, yeah. Like that. I’m a lot like Mel Gibson, you know.
Sure you are. Let’s get back to hygiene. Washing your hair once a week sounds inadequate.
I wash it more often when I do stuff. I don’t feel completely clean when I don’t wash it.
So you feel like a dirty person most of the time?
No. Hmmm. . .no. Um, well I don’t feel like I get dirty just sitting in my room or going to class. After I exercise I always shower. I think I’m pretty good about that.
You sound conflicted.
Uh, no. Well, yes I am. I don’t know. I mean, I admit I don’t shower as much as I’d like to, or as much as the average American does.
How often should the average American shower?
Less than they do. It depends on how you live your life. If you go running every day you should shower afterward. Just shower enough to stay clean.
Well let’s assume you shower every time you exercise vigorously. But in addition to that, what would you recommend?
Well, if you exercise every day, then a shower a day ought to be enough.
And if you don’t exercise?
Every other day ought to be all right. Maybe your shower should take longer.
Ah, good point. Does the length of the shower make up for the frequency?
I think so. There are instant showers, and then there are “time to clean up” showers. I don’t like taking instant showers. I always wash thoroughly when I’m in the shower.
Better than nothing, I suppose.
Indeed. Rinse, lather and repeat. I was taught that at an early age.
Is that what they teach in that famous California education system?
Well, that and everything you ever wanted to know about the sun. But really, is that so bad?