One in 2000: Chris Sewell

Chris Sewell ’05

Dorm Dennett 331

Home Brooklyn, NY

Move The Booty Shake

I know you’re a housing coordinator, but I feel like I talk about that all the time in these things, so what else do you do?

I’m in NBC, which stands for “Nothing But Cuties.”

Would you classify yourself as a cutie?

I guess I would, but I wouldn’t necessarily say that it’s a qualification for you to be cute to be in NBC; what’s more important is for you to be able to do the booty shake. You absolutely must know how to jiggle. It just has to be nonstop continuous jiggle.

Is that the dance move where you solely move your booty and nothing else?

Yes, exactly. You try hard to just move your booty, but in the beginning it’s understandable if you have to move your legs a little. It’s all part of the learning process. And eventually you phase out everything else and it’s just the booty shaking. I wouldn’t even say that’s a requisite for NBC, but if you come into the group and are in one of my dances, you are definitely going to end up shaking your butt, boy or girl, at some point in the dance.

Do you dance as well or just choreograph, because I want the readers to know there is an existing forum where they can come and see your booty shake for themselves.

I choreographed last spring, and I am choreographing again for our show on Dec. 5, but I am also dancing in at least two of the four dances that we are doing for the show at the end of the year. They might not see me specifically shake my booty, but they can see other members shake it in my dances. You know who was doing the booty shake this weekend at the Mission formal? Danny McNamara ’05. Do you know him? He’s a football player from the south, and he was definitely shaking it. But anyway, the Mission dinner dance formal was so beautiful.

Was this the sophomore response to Perry Senior Prom?

No, it wasn’t just sophomores, it was a housing coordinator thing for anyone who lives in Area One. If you lived in Mission or Tyler or in that whole area. . .

What do you think about the recent upsurge of formal events on this campus?

I think it’s about time. I think we get into this rut and people just get comfortable and don’t dress up and then they whine all the time, “Blah blah, I am not getting any. I am not hooking up.” I feel like with the girls there are two extremes: there is the Barbie doll and then there is the I-am-in-the-bushes-and-do-nothing type.

Do you mean by “in-the-bushes,” the crunchy contingency?

Yeah, the Williams wilderness girls that are all about going into Hopkins Forest and doing their little thing in the trees, hardcore WOOLF people. Formals give people a chance to shine and for those people to be the Barbie dolls for a night. I am not being superficial, it’s just showing people that you don’t need to be dressed up every day but when you do dress up once in a while you’re saying, “Damn, I look good, and you can’t handle this.”

I feel ashamed that I am sitting here in my poorly matched pajamas and gold spray-in hair color from the night before. I am the personification of your “not shining” Williams girl.

You can use the weather as an excuse, but I think it is bad to dress up everyday.

Like freshman in 8 a.m. classes do?

Exactly. You just don’t need to do that everyday and put on all the makeup. . . oh wait, unless you are really that bad looking. There is no reason, however, to be all Barbie everyday, to wear your five-inch heels every day with your tight little pants. On the other hand, there is also no reason to not bathe for a week and never change your clothes. So there should be a balance, and when it comes time try to look different when you dress up. This way when you go out people will be like, “Yo, damn, where has SHE been?” and you can be proud and say, “Don’t hate the playa.” You know?

So people were shining at the Mission Formal?

Yes. We just don’t have that much chance to shine at our school, and it’s possibly because of the lack of fraternities. There is also a lack of dating scene. The school is so small, and you think you meet this great new guy or girl and no matter how great you think this new person is, there is at least one person out there who thinks whom you met is sketch. And this information will get passed back to you, someone will say to your friend “Girl, you better tell him that so-and-so is pure sketch.” So why even bother? And it’s terrible to see that all the ugly people are getting all the hookups. There are people here who are excellent looking sitting up in their room on Saturday nights alone.

I don’t think I should even touch that one. So, how do you like living in Mission?

I lost so much weight this year just walking there and back. But mostly I just get caught up not wanting to go anywhere, which is depressing. And we’ve had like three or four fire drills. Why you gotta set off the fire alarm during dinner? Why you gotta do that? I am just trying to eat my food for once, because you know I don’t even want to be eating the food here. Seriously I don’t eat the food here at all, it’s all about the juice. And lots of Ritz crackers.

Ritz crackers and juice?

I don’t think the dining hall food here is horrendous. They have their up days and their down days. I’m a picky eater and I just don’t know where the “Puerto Rican Beans” are coming from.

My guess, Puerto Rico?

Um, no, I don’t think so! I am saying they are everything that was cooked in the last week re-served and reheated in a soupy beany format.

How do you feel about their original concoctions like “Bob Marley Chicken?”

Do not even get me started on “Bob Marley Chicken.” Bob Marley didn’t eat chicken! He’s a Rasta! There is a terrible, terrible disjunction that you have “Bob Marley Chicken,” and Bob Marley is Jamaican, but the Jamaicans who go here sure won’t touch this stuff. You know you got a problem right there. And what is this “Voodoo Chicken?” They are like the same thing and they just change the name. The jerked chicken is horrible here too. Not only is it not spicy, but it’s sweet. They really just need to stay away from anything exotic. Stick to the chicken tenders.

And grilled cheese.

I mean look at Dodd Kids’ Night, if you don’t get there in the first five minutes you are out of luck. They just need to realize a few things, namely that cooking in bulk does not mean not cooking the meat at all. Also, I don’t eat meat, just chicken and all week the menu reads like flank steak, flank steak, pork chop, pork and beans, pork chop, on and on.

Do you think the Snack Bar compensates?

Well it’s how we get fat. We are repulsed by the dining hall food and then we go to the Snack Bar and are like, “can I have mozzarella sticks, cheeseburger, cheese fries and extra bacon on that burger and, um, a float and a shake and a chocolate frost?” Dairy bulks you up!

Everything also tastes faintly of bacon and fake butter spray.

Exactly. And I do not care how much they charge me, but they need to have chicken tenders at the Snack Bar. They are making all their little combo meals now, like the Combo # 1 and the Combo #2. Well let me tell you, make a Combo #3. Chicken tenders. Got it? Mostly I just buy Nantucket Nectars. And they have Grapeade, which is the best, at Goodrich. But this new Cranberry-Raspberry-Grape whatever it is? They need to rethink that. That stuff is not the jump-off, let me tell you. . .

Well, enjoy your Grapeade, and hopefully someone from Dining Services will read this and get some chicken tenders at the snack bar. It’s the one thing I want to see before I graduate.