One in 2000: Meg Bossong

Meg Bossong ’05

Dorm fitch 22

Home Vestal, NY

Fetish Uniforms

Whoa, did you just see that kid? He hid his card in a nook in the stone wall and ran away. What is he doing?

I don’t know, but strange things occur on this side of campus. . .

I think that same exact guy actually shadow boxes against that wall, too.

Such is life in the Odd Quad. So, why did you turn down the homey cement comforts of Mission to live in Fitch as a sophomore?

Well, it wasn’t so much a “choice” as a bad housing pick.

Define “bad.”

Pick 145. But I don’t think we even would have lived in Mission if we had a better pick. I know that is a blasphemy to say.

All right by me as long as you aren’t one of those sophomores that messes with the system and picks into Greylock.

Actually there is this kid in my entry from last year who “forgot” to pick into the housing draw, and somehow he wound up with a senior single in Greylock. How convenient.

Which entry were you in last year?

Williams E. One time Williams D, E and F threw a triple entry party that spanned the entirety of the fourth floor. I don’t know how Security didn’t catch us on that one.

They were busy confiscating Beirut tables. . .

No, seriously we had a strobe light and a DJ. There was a strobe light flashing out all the fourth floor windows of the freshman dorm.

I feel that there must have been some bribing of authorities going on there. . .

Well, you know, you can do a lot when you throw some cash around.

Speaking of Security, one of the few morsels of pre-interview dirt I was given on you was that one time you “accidentally” grinded with a Security officer at an all-campus party. “Accidentally?”

Well, I think in all fairness to the Security officer I should clear up that I was not grinding with him, but more grinding at him.

He wasn’t into it? So, what inspired this act of indecency? Is there some overarching man in uniform fetish I should be made aware of?

No, no fetish. But there is some background to this. I didn’t go out much last year, but Winter Carnival I decided I was going to cut loose. I pre-gamed rather extensively and we went out to Wood, and it was crazy. Now, I am not normally a dancer, as many who know me can attest to, but I was on the dance floor of Wood and it was really dark and crowded. I felt someone behind me, and they were kind of moving so I figured, why not? So I started. . . well, grinding. They didn’t have very good rhythm, nor were they very participatory, so I turned around and came face to face with the infamous black and gold uniform. . .

Was it Robin?

No, thankfully it was one of the part-time guys you don’t see very often. The poor man was just trying to weave his way across the dance floor and I sort of trapped him. I sobered up pretty fast.

Did he escort you out of the party?

No, I ran over to the keg immediately and had a gigantic cup of shame.

So, you want to tell me something about yourself that does not involve inappropriate behavior with authority figures?

Well, I am on the Equestrian Team. We’re the only team that has one co-ed team, and not a men’s team and a women’s team. But we don’t actually have any males right now. Our one token male is studying abroad this year. To recruit we sort of had this plan to be the “Slippery B of Women.” We were going to go hang out in the frosh quad and scout out some hot freshman boys.

I like that, “the Slippery B of Women.” I’m not going to lie, I facebooked you before this interview since I didn’t know exactly who you were. In your facebook information you’ve written that your interests include “the two elliptical trainers in the fitness center?”

No, the two new elliptical trainers in the gym. There are four now. I fell off of one of the new ones the other day. I was doing a cross-training course on the elliptical, and it tells you when to pedal forward and when to pedal backwards. I didn’t exactly wait for it to stop before starting to pedal backwards and was flung from the machine.

Wow. Did people point and laugh?

Fortunately, not that many people were there.

I don’t believe you. The gym is always packed.

Trust me. I can’t tell you when it was, because then people will start going and that’s my secret gym time.

Fine. Be that way. You only got hooked up with this interview anyways because you are former entrymates with the illustrious features editor, Mark Hobel!

I know, I know. And I am presently in a recovery program for that at the Health Center. There are twelve steps. Mark Hobel. . .yeah, that was a little traumatizing. I was also entrymates with Adam Babson, who wrote One in 2000 a couple times.

You just know all the right people. And obviously after you’re One in 2000 you will become even more famous. . .

I know. I think I am a bit uncomfortable with my new fame. . .

It’s being swarmed by thousands of admiring teenage boys, isn’t it?

Well, obviously that. But also, I was in Goodrich this morning getting my bagel and mocha, and I heard the door open. When I turned around there was this tour of about 55 people just watching me. I just hoped I wouldn’t fall….

You fall a lot. I feel like this is a bad quality since your major sport involves riding atop fast-moving and rather tall animals.

Well, that’s the horses tripping, not me. I do have one more story about me falling, though. One morning I slipped and fell into Route 2. I decided I had to try to cover up the fact that I had just fallen into oncoming traffic by making it look like I dropped something. Sadly, I wasn’t carrying anything so I picked up a leaf off of Route 2 and carried it to the other side, and then very carefully placed it on the lawn in front of the Congregational Church. And of course I did this to appear less stupid. . . So, what do you think about our Bio class?

I’m supposed to be the one asking the questions.

Do you remember when she passed around the giant maggot thing the other day? And then someone dropped it?

Yes. I do. The girl dropped the giant maggot thing on top of me. I think we have to end here. I don’t want to relive my classroom traumas. This interview is supposed to be about embarrassing you.

Fine. But I get to give shouts out to my old roommate, Kendra Totman, and Kate Henry, my new one.

Ok, you’re done. No more shameless plugs and name-dropping. If you want we can make fun of Mark some more though. . .

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