One in 2000: Mark Robertson

Mark Robertson ’02

Dorm Thompson 304

Home Granville, OH

Dog’s Name Bobo

Since you left the Record, what do you do with yourself?

Really just three things. First, and most importantly, I spend many hours trying to keep my fantasy baseball team in last place. Second, I learn about medieval political thought with Prof. Oakley and Glick and Elsea. Third, I make song parodies about plants for my BIO 220 final project. “Pollinate Me One More Time” is destined for glory.

What is your least favorite moment in the Record office?

Definitely my first night as editor-in-chief, when I had to stay awake for about 40 hours straight. The office lost power twice, the computers crashed, the printers didn’t work all night. We got done at 10 in the morning and I had to give a talk to the journalism winter study class about working at a newspaper. . . it was really awful.

Can you tell us about the box and how it became Dan’s home for a brief moment?

The box has been mythologized a lot. A lot of people say a lot of things about it, many of which aren’t really true. Dan Elsea left a giant cardboard box of his clothes and personal affects down in the office left over from storage over the summer. Maybe four or five issues into the year, we decided to put Dan into the box. He just hopped in and we closed it up and we pushed him around in it for a while. Actually, the more fun thing that night, I think, was when a bunch of us put on every piece of clothing that Dan had in the box all at once.

So tell us about the wonderful town of Granville.

Well, we’re half an hour from Columbus and fifteen minutes from New Albany, which is where Abercrombie & Fitch and Victoria’s Secret are headquartered. Granville’s a nice place, though – small-town atmosphere and everything.

What about Victoria’s Secret? Is that worth going to Granville for, or moving back eventually?

It’s really more the factory that they have there. Most of the employees are old warehouse guys, and they wouldn’t look so good in the lingerie. I think they have local ordinances against that sort of thing.

Can you describe your trip to Trinity with Jason Pack?

We drove down to Trinity to cover the football game, our first-ever broadcast sophomore year. On the way there, we got stuck in the Founder’s Day Parade in Lee, Mass. One day per year, the whole town closes down and takes part in this parade. Jason took it upon himself to get us to the game in time. Jason hit 110 mph on 91 going south. I feared for my life.

Kind of like that car crash you witnessed back in high school?

Yeah, my friends and I were at this intersection, and this van flew by, barely missed us, then went off and hit a telephone pole. So we all jumped out. . . This was one of the more shocking moments of my life. This guy falls out of his car, covered in blood. He’s gushing. The first thing he did was not to wipe off the blood or see if he was okay or if he’d hurt anybody. No, the first thing he did was clean up the 50 super-dirty porn magazines that have fallen out of the van. And we’re talking the type of porn that no man should enjoy. Later, my friend Chris had the guts to tell the police officer about the magazines when he was asked if he had “witnessed anything suspicious.”

Tell us your thoughts on the town of North Adams.

I love North Adams. I think it’s the best place around – you’ve got lots of restaurants, museums; there’s eleven, Canteen. . . it’s coming back. I’m very pro-North Adams.

Do you watch TV?

Almost none, just “The Simpsons” and “West Wing.” “The Simpsons” is the best TV show ever made. When I saw cartoon Phish on there a few weeks ago, I could hardly contain myself.

Favorite movie?

“Major League.” I’ve seen it so many times, when I watch it now I like to think about the lives of the guys who appear just for a second. Like the guy Gentry who’s cut at the beginning. What ever happened to that guy? Career minor leaguer, I bet, went on to own a car dealership.

Tecmo Bowl or Madden? And what team?

Oh, Tecmo, absolutely. Tecmo Super Bowl. If you want to win the whole game, you go with the team you know will win, the Bills. Of course, I pick the Browns because they’re my team. Kosar to Slaughter, no doubt.

What is it about drumming that draws you to drumming rather than, say, playing guitar or saxophone? Is it the primeval beat or something else?

Since I was a little kid, I’ve had this tendency to just tap all the time. I don’t do it so much anymore, but I was always tapping on things and keeping little rhythms. My sister hated it and would always yell at me. But I really like the rhythm section of the band; it’s what drives the band. You know, you’ll walk along. . . some people hum melodies, some people think, some people don’t think. . . I just kinda tap.

 So how did Mike Needham ever get hired here?

I’m really not sure. You see, he was kind of a holdover from the last administration. “Forty” Gise brought him in and he kind of stuck around. I think that we didn’t clean out payroll and he just got left on. Pretty quickly, Needham entrenched his position by putting up all this Yankee paraphernalia and patriotic stuff around his desk. I don’t know. I really don’t think he works here. We’ve stopped sending him paychecks; we thought he’d just get the idea. I like things to just take care of themselves. . . so I just fixed the glitch. But, apparently, it didn’t work.

What is your response to the e-mail sent out from your account under the name Mr. Emily Thorson?

Well, at least it wasn’t as bad as the e-mail sent from Sergio’s computer with the name Mrs. David Glick, though that really didn’t surprise me.

What’s the coolest thing you did when you lived in D.C. last summer?

I got to tour the West Wing with a friend of mine who was interning in the White House. The whole time I was asking “Is Bartlett here? Where’s Bartlett” but they told me he was gone. Think I saw Leo, though.

So, do you have any plans for next year?

I am so far behind in the job hunt, I’ve kinda packed it in for the rest of the year. I want to be a journalist, write news at some small paper.

You’re gonna stick with journalism. Interesting. . . so you must’ve liked your Record experience? Any last thoughts on your time spent here?

The best times we had here were the dance parties. Around 1 a.m., it was time to pop on a little “Tunak, Tunak” or “Lucky” and just get after it. We were never very productive, but I think we were thoughtful. Doubt I’ll get to dance much at the next paper I head to, but it’s been cool down here in the basement.