Critiquing factrak and beyond

This article might seem a bit rushed because I need to get back to factrak and read about and rate some more of my professors. I love factrak. I have not been this excited since I learned that naked pictures of Anna Kournikova are going to be published. I do understand why the faculty is upset about it. I would not want negative comments about me or my articles on the internet. I would much rather just have them emailed to me. So I think there can be a solution: take factrak off the web. Students can still write comments about teachers, but only in chalk on the street and on sides of buildings. If you really do not like a teacher you can draw a picture of a penis at the end of your critique. We can call it Fac-Bash.

After reading several reviews on factrak, I decided that they seemed accurate and a little harsh, which might be why the faculty is upset. When the French department read their postings, they were not too pleased; they got their berets in a bunch. One French professor said, “Sacre bleu,” and a bunch were talking revolution. They have not been this mad since Jerry Lewis stopped making films.

When the psychology department read their reviews they became so depressed they all had to prescribe themselves Prozac. The computer science department is so mad they are going to create a program to try and destroy factrak. However, after reading the computer science postings, I doubt the program will be very good or even work. After the religion department read their critiques, they all became atheists.

The faculty strongly believes that factrak postings should not be anonymous, but of course no one knows who made that suggestion. However, anonymity is exactly what makes factrak great. That same anonymity made the room draw more intriguing. It is funny that students were told that they were silly for being angry over the blind room draw, but the faculty is right in wanting to see who says what.

The Record has been using an anonymous article rating system for a while for all articles online. I took the liberty of looking at all of my articles’ ratings. Who the hell has been giving me those bad ratings? I have not seen ratings that bad since Magic Johnson’s late-night talk show. So I took the liberty of padding my ratings. I padded my ratings like a 6th grade girl pads her bra.

Factrak has really taken off in the one week it has been up. It has replaced Britney Spears’ website as the most visited site on the web. Factrak has had more hits than the Beatles. Students are actually going onto to factrak rather then porno sites. However, factrak might just end up of being another fad like boy bands, tube tops and showering. So before Factrak loses its umph, let’s franchise it and make spin-offs, look what it did for “Who Wants to be a Millionaire!” I have taken the liberty of creating some new student forums to rate things on campus.

I would like to introduce: PartyTrak. PartyTrak is not a party for runners and sprinters, but rather a website where students can rate parties on campus. An example rating would be the one for the party I threw in my common room last weekend: “There was a lot to drink at the party, but Mark was the only one there. It was pretty lame. I felt bad for him; he invited the whole campus and no one showed up, except for some townies. Stay away from Mark and his parties, they are even worse than his articles.” Ouch. Kids can be cruel.

Before we franchise factrak, maybe we should figure out if it is useful. Well, I did some asking around, and no one wanted to go on a date with me to see Spider-man, but I did get some feedback on factrak. Students like it. The faculty does not. When I asked one faculty member about it, he said it was terrible and that he could never accept it. I then went and posted a message on factrak saying he was stubborn. Students should be able find out things about teachers before they sign up for courses. I used factrak, and if I had any friends, I am sure they would have used factrak as well. After reading all the teacher postings, I decided to take only independent studies. It definitely seems as if students and faculty will be arguing about this for awhile. Perhaps it is time to bring in Bono.

Before we do get Bono, maybe we can settle this within the community. We need to give factrak some time. Factrak is like an Olsen twin right now – young, but in a year or two perfectly legal and useful. I am sure college students and maybe even some professors will enjoy both for many years to come.