One in 2000: Andy Levy

Andy Levy ’05

DORM Williams E 106

Home Elkins Park, PA

Pick Number 147

    So, what’s it like driving a gold minivan around Williamstown?

Oh, well I had a Honda up earlier, but my brother’s pretty uncoordinated and couldn’t drive the minivan, so I got stuck with it. But it’s kind of nice because I don’t feel too bad about trashing it when I cut corners and that sort of thing. I failed the driving test four times, so I’m not averse to wrecking the car a little bit.

You must have a great reputation with the Williamstown Police Department (WPD).

I don’t know if I should put this on the record, but I think the minivan alone has racked up about 16 parking tickets, none of which have been settled with the WPD.

Ok, so you’re a pretty athletic guy, right? Do you play any sports?

I did. I played JV soccer in the fall, but I tore my ACL. So I’m out until August, then I’ll be playing JV again.

Do you have any aspirations of rising up to varsity one day?

No, I don’t think that will ever happen. So it looks like I’m JV for life.

Alright, so I’ve heard a rumor that you have some sort of Enrique Iglesias complex. What’s the deal with that?

Well, every once in a while, people come up to me and mention that I look like Enrique Iglesias. I mean, I don’t really see it; I guess it’s ’cause I have a darker complexion or something. Anyway, one night at the snack bar, this girl comes up and says, “Enrique, put on this hat and take a picture with me!” So she makes me put on this knit cap. People would always mention the Enrique Iglesias thing before, but no one ever went the full picture route. So, she takes this picture with me – it was really weird, and I haven’t heard anything from her since. I would really like to see the picture. . .

So now you’re into doing celebrity photo shoots?

No, not at all, it’s kinda. . . usually it’s pretty pathetic.

Fair enough. Of course you have a reputation for cleanliness: why don’t you tell the inquiring public how you keep your room in such good order.

Well, my entry-mates know me to be pretty obsessive-compulsive about cleanliness. I just like putting everything in order. . .spotless. . . and doing the dusting and that sort of thing.

Definitely. You’re a model for us all. Alright, so I hear, from time to time, a particular phrase goes around the entry: “Let’s smash it up.” Can you explain the crux of it?

Well there are about, probably six of us, and we play. . .actually not much any more, but earlier in the year we were probably playing like two to three hours of Smash Brothers in a given day, which is pretty pathetic, but we were getting really good. Our claim to fame was to be the best area of Smash Brothers on campus. So if there are any challengers out there, bring it on.

Sounds pretty intense. Ok, I must know, why did you banish from your life the singular pleasure of meat consumption?

I guess it started at the festival dinner, or whatever. People were just, like, tearing through lobster stuff, and ripping off claws. I mean I’m not a queasy guy, but at the time it just struck me as [mumbles incoherently], so I just stopped eating meat from there.

 Yeah, lobster consumption can be pretty brutal.

It really can. It was brutal.

So I guess that explains the four-cheese Hot Pockets.

Yeah, I’d say I probably go through above 12 four-cheese hot pockets a week – which gets me a lot of dinner points at the snack bar, too.

What would we do without Stop and Shop? What’s it like being a Philadelphia native; are you brimming with patriotism?

Well, it was pretty rough growing up on the streets in Philly. But I did play a lot of basketball at my local hoop, and I’m a huge Philly sports fan. So I’m pretty sure the 76ers are going to win it all this year.

Yeah. The Phillies have had a tough couple of decades, haven’t they.

Well, we went to the Series in ’93, but that’s the last time we really did anything much. We lost on a home run ball that has permanently traumatized me.

How about that Lenny Dykstra?

Yeah, no, he was one of my favorites.

So, um, do enjoy living in a double? I hear that your roommate’s a real bastard.

Well, I kicked him out, probably about three months ago. He’s in the common room now, so it’s like we kind of each have singles, but don’t tell Buildings and Grounds about that.

Ok, will do. So you showed him his place?

I showed him his place.

I guess you’re predominantly referred to as a. . . what’s the word. . . “chill” guy. Have you always been so laid-back?

Ever since my drug rehab. I’ve kind of learned to keep things in check, like, count to ten whenever I get mad or whatever.

Ok, I can’t resist. How would you characterize your position on the political spectrum, with knee-jerk bleeding heart pinko tree-hugger on the one extreme, and Wagnerian fascist on the other?

You mean Babson on the other. I’d say I’m definitely on the non-Babson end of the spectrum. I’m more of a leftist, tree-hugging type than a conservative.

Right, it’s nice to agree to disagree. So, how did the, uh, room draw end up for you?

Well, um, we. . .the three guys that I picked in with, we all got the straight up shaft. We got 147 out of 173. But one of my pick-ins, Payson Cushman, is a townie, so we were thinking we could move into his house, into his garage somewhere, and it would be pretty sweet. We’d have his mom make us pancakes in the morning.

So you’re going to start b—-ing Payson’s mom around?

Definitely.

Alright, I’ve always wanted to know: what’s the food like at JRC dinners?

Ah, JRC dinners. Usually pretty good, actually. It’s pretty key, because when you go to a JRC dinner, you get a free dinner—a home-cooked dinner—and you get dinner points after, and it satisfies your spiritual. . .spiritual experience.

Vis-à-vis Morty’s presence, right?

Well, I haven’t actually seen Morty at the JRC dinners yet, but he’s pretty active in the organization.

One last question before we finish: do you think our JA is a money launderer?

A money launderer! There’s much debate about whether our entry dues have been going to Parth [Doshi]’s tuition, but I’m still up in the air about it.

 I won’t reveal my opinion. The incomparable Andy Levy, ladies and gentlemen.