One in 2000: Matt Brothers

How was your Winter Carnival?

It was fun. I had a good time.

Were you good?

Am I good?

No, were you good?

What do you mean?

Did you have any beads at the end of the night?

Oh, no. No beads. Saturday night was fun though.

Where did you go?

I went to Perry first, then Spencer, which got shut down, and then Wood.

How did you get into Wood?

The question is – how did I get into Perry? Window, of course. I don’t believe in waiting in lines at Williams. There’s no need, be it snack bar, games or parties.

Now, is this a senior thing, or have you done this all four years?

Freshman year I didn’t know. I had to learn it sophomore year and now no more lines. Anyway, [this past weekend] felt like Winter Study! Was it just me? The whole Winter Carnival thing, from Thursday to Sunday was just non-stop. I haven’t done any work since last Tuesday, maybe.

Speaking of senior things, 100 Days is coming up.

Oh, I know.

Are you excited?

Yeah, it’s always been, “100 Days, 100 Days, what goes on?” Now I’ll know.

Now, do you have a list of people you want to hook up with before you graduate?

(laughs) No, no. No lists.

What about mental lists?

Well. . .I keep that private. ‘Cause. . .yeah.

Hey, this is a good forum for broadcasting that sort of thing. All sorts of people will know.

They’ll know, they’ll know eventually. I prefer to keep it on the DL. But that’s what goes on during 100 Days?

Well, I think it’s more Last Chance Dance.

Yeah, that’s how it seemed last year.

Did you go? Were you hosting?

No, I wasn’t hosting. I just walked right in. I love it; if you know the right people on campus, you can do whatever you want. Robin, the security guard, is my cousin so I get into wherever I need to.

Do you use that trump card a lot?

A couple of times, but not as much as I should. It’s gotten me out of a couple of parking tickets. There’s a two-day window between the issue and the entry in the computer so if I get to him in time, I’m off.

That’s cool. Hey, did you hear that Madame Cleo has been shut down for fraud?!

For real?

Yeah, the FTC shut her down, and I thought the reason would be that she promises everyone that SHE will talk to them, and that’s just impossible.

All the Jamaicans on campus hate Madame Cleo. I tell them all that she’s their aunt. But it’s funny, because I remember when Madame Cleo was just on BET, and ever since she made it to all the major networks. . .

Why “aunt” and not “mother” or “sister”?

That’s too close. You can’t do that. It would be too personal. Aunts are just kind of out there.

Well, what it was, though, was the 1-800 number that she gave automatically forwarded you to a 900 number that charges $3.99 a minute.

Wait a sec, you called it, didn’t you?!

I did not! I read about it in the paper.

Mmmmmm-hmmmm.

No, the FTC released a report. They received 6,000 complaints.

For real, no more Madame Cleo? No more “Call me NOW!” Oh, that’s too bad.

Hey, I meant to ask you earlier, but what’s the deal with your hair? You’ve said before that there’s a controversy over down vs. braids. In any case, has your hair ever been bigger?

No, I haven’t cut it since October of junior year. ’Cause J.R. cut my hair, and I just let it grow after he left for Paris. The braids come and go every couple of months.

So, which style is more popular with the ladies?

See, that’s the big debate. What’s that thing at the front of the paper, “Man on the Quad?” They should ask about my hair so I can get some answers. I have it out, and people prefer it braided; I have it braided, and people prefer out.

Out’s very distinctive though. No one really has that hair.

I’ll put you down for “out” then.

OK, do you want to put a call out to people to let you know their opinion?

Yeah, “Braids or out?” But they can e-mail you.

Augh, no way! Just have them tell you when they pass you by in the snack bar. Anyway, why did you want to be “1 in 2000” so badly?

Because people are scrubbing sometimes, and I open the paper and wonder, “Where does she find these people?” So, I wanted to see my face in there. Everyone should be in the paper once.

That’s a good reason – I’m always looking for suggestions to improve this column. I get enough [poop] for this column already. You know Laddie Peterson? Well, she’s always telling me that ever since I’ve taken over this column, it should be changed from “1 in 2000” to “Caroline and her Special Guest.”

Yeah, you do talk a lot.

Well, let’s end on you then. Is there anything else you’d like to add?

GO HEELS!!!

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