One in 2000: Katie Gortz

So, I was thinking that this week would be a good week to present the “her” side of a his/her mini-series in 1 in 2000 featuring juniors returning from abroad. In fact, one similarity between you and Angus Beal already is that you are both wearing shorts.

Well, I’m going to the gym after the interview.

Are you time-effective or. . .

Time-effective?

You know, when you schedule things correctly.

What are you trying to say, “time-efficient?”

Well, yes.

No.

Oh. Anyway, I was thinking of the gym scene and you know what is completely lacking? The meat market, city gym atmosphere – you know, where people get chatted up on the Stairmaster? Do you think that would ever happen here?

No. Well, why would the gym need to be a meat market when we have Brooks Late Night?

Did you go to Brooks Late Night?

No, I didn’t make it there this weekend. But I heard stories.

Relating to the Mardi Gras theme?

Yes.

What kind of stories?

I don’t know, people getting lots of beads.

Doing what?

Um, the things that people normally do for beads.

How is it being back at Williams?

It’s good to be back, but it’s kind of tough living in a double.

Here’s a roommate question for you: what would happen if your roommate wrote a really mean article in a publication that was disseminated around campus. . .

The Record for example?

Yes, exactly. What if she ruined what little reputation you had after three years at Williams? What would you do – steal her stuff, build a spider web, divide the room in half?

Hmmmmm, what would I do to punish my roommate?

When you put it like that, it sounds so scary.

Hmmmm. . .what would I do?

Hey, hold that thought. I’ll be right back. . .Ok, thanks for waiting. You know how there’s a lot of different reading material in the Tyler bathrooms?

Like the 2004 facebook?

Which is now missing, but yes. I think all that stuff is in there, though, for back-up toilet paper since the janitors don’t come up here all that frequently and it’s a floor of all girls. I’m afraid I’m going to want to read “A Walk Through the Woods” from the Robert Frost collection and I’ll be straight out of luck.

Jesus, Caroline. I think the old NY Times is a more likely candidate though.

So what would you do to your roommate?

Probably spread terrible rumors about her deep, dark past.

Like what? I’m a big gossipmonger myself.

Well, given your relationship with my roommate, I feel that she might be mad at me if I shared that stuff with you in an interview.

You are such a tease. I hate you. So, what did you miss about Williams?

I missed my friends, and I missed living in dorms. I did not miss the workload. Other than that, I missed Brooks Late Night.

Did you miss the dining hall?

In a word, no.

But you ordered the “eggs to order” with such aplomb, I thought you kept up your skills just so you could remain a dining hall champ.

Oh no, but eggs to order are the savior.

What do you miss about being abroad?

I miss Latin culture. I miss salsa dancing, music, going out with my friends. Because I don’t have any friends here and it’s pretty tough.

I’m sure you have a lot of pity pals, right? You know, the people who feel so badly for you that they pretend to be your friends even though they’re not.

I feel I may have a few of those, but thanks for the suggestion.

Maybe you could go to a witch doctor to help you with that? I heard you had a story from Ecuador about that.

On a trip to the Amazon, it seemed like a once-in-a-lifetime experience to go to a psychedelic healer that involved, mmmm, medicines and potions that are probably not used in the States.

But you lived to tell about it.

Yes, I lived to tell about it, but just barely. There were a lot of strange sounds and sights along the way and in the end, it turned out to be, well, a big mistake.

Did you see any headhunters?

No, no headhunters, just shooting stars and barbed wire.

Because I saw this terrible segment on Jay Leno, one of those segments where he thinks it’ll be good to interview certain people and then lives to regret it, and this woman told an awful story about visiting a headhunter and dropping one of the skulls.

What happened to her?

You break, you buy. What do you think of the new Cocina Latina?

I’ve yet to go there, and I don’t think I’ll be heading down there because the thing I liked least about Latin America was the food.

Did you have a double your first year?

Yes, and I had a very cool roommate named Evelyn Marie Mahoney and that worked out really well.

Did she ever pee in your bed when you were roomies?

No, she never did that, that’s for sure. I think we both lied on the housing questionnaire sheets; we both checked “second-from-the-neatest”, when we should have been “second-from-the-messiest”. So, it worked out pretty well.

I hear they actually look at the checkmarks when they’re trying to discover the truth from those answers. You know, how neat you check is an indicator of how neat you are.

That’s seriously anal. Do they really do that?

Not that I’m aware. So, you work at Goodrich, right?

Yes, I do. I’m very excited about seeing the Fresh Samantha cooler.

Is there a password that the readers of this article could use to get, say, 25% off their purchase?

Yes, but if I told you, I’d have to kill you.

Let me guess. Is it, “Your roommate is the coolest person ever?”

That’s just not the password.

Am I hot or cold?

Very, very cold.

Ouch! Anyway, I heard from your roommate that you are a student with exemplary study habits.

Well, I used to be a conscientious student, then came last semester. . ..so it remains to be seen whether or not I’ll go back to the “old me” next semester.

What mode are you in right now?

I’m in Winter Study mode.

That’s not an answer. You’re probably one or the other, which is important since there are two main factions in regards to Winter Study: one, that it’s fantastic, and two, that it’s an utter waste.

I think it’s a fantastic, utter waste.

Would you stop bridging the gap?!

No, it makes perfect sense. It’ s fantastic but not as academically strenuous as the rest of the Williams academic year.

And you get to go skiing all the time. I saw an ad in Outside magazine, with a girl wondering if it was possible to actually sprain your ass AND if the ski patrol guy who was helping her was single. (It was a print ad.) Have you ever wondered that, Katie?

Well. . .wait, did you really see that?

Yes. See, I personally wonder, but then usually find out.

Over the last couple of weeks my roommate’s taught me a thing or two, and whether or not they’re single doesn’t always make that big of a difference.

Whoa! Right! Is this a good angel/bad angel thing going on in your double?

Yes, I’m an angel and she’s Satan.

How’d you get paired with Satan?

Satan invited me to join her den of slack and I accepted hoping I could bring her back to the light side.

After a semester abroad, YOU would be one to save her from slacker-hood.

Well, yes. That was the plan.