One in 2000: Jen Cahill

    So, Jen you’ve always defined “urban cool” for me and I was wondering where you grew up?

Oh Jesus – oh wait, I shouldn’t swear like that. I grew up in Pittsfield, Massachusetts, which is sort of embarrassing because now there’s this West Side Story-esque war between Pittsfield and Williamstown residents.

Yeah, you know it’s coming when you hear the warning sound of snaps and everyone starts dancing, right?

Well, I left the bar and all of a sudden there’s screaming and I saw this girl on the street. I actually graduated with her, but you know, I didn’t really say hi to her at that point in time because I didn’t think it was quite appropriate.

So, do you have a definite side or are you impartial?

Well, I’m more partial to Williamstown because Pittsfield really sucks and I get a lot of shit – or trash – especially in Econ 401, because they bring up examples of quality of life and how bad Pittsfield is compared to everything else. But I think it’s sort of funny that I can laugh about it.

So, when you see Pittsfield Dirt in the dining hall, do you get upset?

It’s actually not Pittsfield, it’s Pittsford.

Really?

Yeah, and I always thought they should change it to Pittsfield because I think it would be funnier.

Huh, I don’t think anyone knows that. And by anyone, I mean me.

Well, it’s “-ford” not “-field.”

Oh no! I was hoping to delve into deep childhood issues and stuff. Now the interview’s ruined!

I think I have to laugh at myself because otherwise I would just cry.

Well, I thought of something. We all know how Williams students regard it but how do Pittsfield residents regard the store Deb?

Well, in high school it was really cool. All you have to do is walk around the Berkshire Mall and you see these girls and that’s all that they wear- platform shoes, sparkly tops. That was me one day, a long time ago.

Were you a teeny-bopper or a Goth?

Oh, I was a teeny-bopper.

Well, there are a lot of Goths in Berkshire Mall. I guess they haven’t dealt with the angst caused by growing up in Pittsfield as well as you have. So, is it Jennie as in “Got your number” or “Forest Gump?”

Well, people do come up to me and pronounce it like they do in Forest Gump, although I do like to find my name in bathroom stalls. But not many people call me Jennie. It’s what I was called in elementary school and then I went to middle school. I dropped the “-nie” because I wanted to be cool and just be Jen.

Did it work?

Yeah, everyone called me Jen. It didn’t make me anymore cool but? (laughs) But now I’m just Cahill.

This is an awful question and I’m ashamed to resort to it, but do blondes have more fun?

I think so I used to be even blonder. Sophomore year it was platinum and I just had a better time. I used to go out a lot more.

Are you a jaded senior now?

Jaded? Not really. I just get bored.

And when you get bored, do you hit any Pittsfield hot spots?

No. Sometimes I hit North Adams though.

So, have you ever heard the song “Dominic the Donkey?”

No.

I mean, “Dominic, the Christmas Donkey?”

Oh, my god. Wait I minute, I think I have. How does it go?

 

(sings) “Dingledy, ding, hee haw, hee haw, it’s Dominic the Donkey/dingledy ding, hee haw, hee haw, the Italian Christmas donkey! la-la-la-la-la”

That’s not very good.

I know. My friend from New Jersey wanted me to ask that question though.

Oh, New Jersey.

Yeah, cause she thought it was a song everyone across the nation knew but she was mistaken. She should have known though since one of the lines is, “And it’s made in Brook-o-leen.”

Is that supposed to be Brooklyn?

 Yeah, it needed to rhyme with something. 

Maybe Filene’s? There are a lot of Christmas songs out there right now.
Christmas songs and Creed. I hate Creed.

Didn’t you say that in one of your other articles?

No, but I should have. I’m pretty vocal about my hatred for Creed. Anyway, I wanted to talk about your job this summer. It’s one that I was extremely jealous of, because all you seemed to do was make faces at V through the one-way mirror and watch Office Space.

Yes, we watched Office Space several times a week. I didn’t really have to think for my job; I was just entering data and as long as I paid some attention so not to screw up, then it would be fine to have Office Space in the background.

What about Tommy Boy?

Well, yes, that too.

I heard you had a really good routine from there.

I did the scene for cross-country ? we had a talent show and all the freshmen had to do something and four of the girls did a Spice Girls skit. So I was the lowly freshman by myself and I decided to do the naughty pets scene from Tommy Boy.

And aren’t you glad this is being brought up the fall of your senior year.

Well, people still bring it up. My entrymates, when I was drunk on Thursday nights, would get me into the common room and do it. I was a sideshow.

Can you perform a clip?

You’ve never seen it?

No, I’ve never seen it.

OK, it’s the scene where he’s sitting explaining to David Spade why he sucks as a salesmen. And he goes, “Let me tell you why I SUCK as a salesmen. Say I just go into some guy’s office, and say he’s remotely interested in buying something. So then I get all excited and I’m like ?Jo-jo, the idiot circus boy with a pretty new pet!’ And the pet is my possible sale. Oh I love my little pet. And I pet it, and I stroke it, and I massage it. I love my little naughty pet. ?You’re naughty!’ And then I kiss my naughty pet, and I go *whkkeeshhhheeelll, whhhehehkkkkdkakkk* I KILLED IT!!! I KILLED MY SALE!! And that’s when I blow it”

[Interviewer is dying of laughter]

It’s too bad you can’t put an audio clip in the Record.

Yeah, the effect of *whkkeeshhhheeelll, whhhehehkkkkdkakkk* won’t come across so well, and how do say that without spitting all over the place like I just did? It’s one of my own special talents. I actually had to act it out in front of my house.

Really? Your house has a lot of hot guys.

Yes, I know. I told them this last night at 4 in the morning at Dunkin’ Donuts.

Now, why Dunkin’ Donuts and not Cumby’s?

I think I just wanted to be with them longer. [laughs] Actually, I don’t know. I guess I wasn’t thinking straight. I forgot Cumby’s was open.