Homecoming… not housing

It is Homecoming weekend and I am writing this article. I managed to sober up for an hour and write this piece of trash. Recently, I have gone deaf from the Naughty by Nature concert. People still have a hard time getting over the idea that Naughty by Nature came to Williams College. I guess it did not help when they came on stage and asked, “Are you ready to party, William and Mary College?” The concert was really great! I am still mad that I did not get one of their sweaty towels.

The concert was just one of several things going on this weekend. People were tailgating down by the football field all of Saturday. I did not realize until Sunday, but there was a football game going on as well. Probably the most interesting experience of the game was going to the bathroom. You almost have to be a little intoxicated to pee into a trough with other guys. It was a little disconcerting to have those horses standing and drinking next to us. What made me feel really comfortable was how there was no soap. Needless to say I gave out no high-fives after the game was over.

As for the night, well, it was interesting to say the least. I would spend the rest of this article telling you all about my escapades, but people are just reminding me of them now. However, I do recall that Amherst went through all of Sage and stole every roll and piece of toilet paper. The reason they stole is because they do not have toilet paper at Amherst, which is another reason I did not slap anyone high-five.

Supposedly, the rivalry between Williams and Amherst dates back to 1884. The reason I know that is because my entrymate just forced me to buy a T-shirt that says that. I thought she came in here to talk and then she said, “you better buy one or else.” The t-shirts are folded in the shape of a football, which is really cool, that is, until you take them out and realize that they are wrinkled.

I do not know how to iron! Mom, please come up and help! Back to the rivalry, it all started when Amherst stole three books from us and went to start a school. I am told that those are the only three books at Amherst to this day.

Homecoming might be just an excuse to drink, but it really did something incredible, for the first time all year people forgot about the current housing debate. People talk about it in the dining halls and the practice fields and the Record has devoted two issues to the debate. So I guess I should throw in my two cents. However I am kind of cheap so, I will give you just a penny. If you want you can call it a penny for your thoughts. Of course, it probably is not even worth that much. Alright, so here is my opinion on the housing situation, drum roll please: I think it is stupid.

Alright, back to Homecoming. Wait, I was suppose to write about housing so here is more: the idea of clustering and putting people in houses coupled with the picks going to four, might make for more diversity. My only question is why stop there? Why not have the concept taken into the dining halls. People should not be allowed to sit at a table with more than three of their friends. The Housing Comitee picks each table and you sit with those people for all four years. Think about the unity?

Perhaps we can even cluster the mailboxes? Oh wait, they are already all together. If the housing thing does not promote enough unity, we can always get around a campfire, hold hands and sing Kumbaya. Look, if you are still a proponent of housing reform, just think about living next to me the next three years and having to listen to my inane thoughts 24/7. Just ask my entrymate who I mentioned earlier in this article. Actually, don’t; she will probably try and sell you a T-shirt. If living next to me is not enough to get you to change your mind, nothing will be.

Well, now that I have written the least convincing argument on the housing subject, back to Homecoming. Homecoming had one other great aspect to it – I got an extension on this article because there was no way my editor was going to able to read this on Saturday. I know what you are thinking: how could I have spent more time on this and it still be so bad?