One (+2) in 2000: Peter Holland and parents

So, did you remember about Spring Forward, Fall Back?

No I didn’t. But it happened? Oh! It didn’t even matter because this morning, I was woken up by jungle noises. And I thought I was in the rainforest until I realized that it was my roommate’s screen-saver.

What does that have to do with Daylight’s Savings Time?

Well, it means I went to bed at 4:30, got up at 8, and was able to go on cheerfully about my day.

Do you have any hair styling products in your hair right now?

No, not right now, but I sometimes use pomade.

Hmmmm. Pomade is good, but I think hair styling wax would be better. It would make your hair more texurized and spiky ? like Tin Tin!

Tin Tin doesn’t have spikes. Tin Tin has a little curl. He’s the English [actually Belgian] explorer kid, right?

I was hoping you wouldn’t know about that and take what I said at face value.

Um, spikey like Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes then. But better, more spikes.

So when I interview you with your parents tomorrow, will they buy me coffee?

Sure. Also, Katie Nicholl will be there. She’s the coolest person ever. She leaves messages on my voicemail that are, in its entirety, the Little Mermaid song.

What?

Yeah, you know ? “Look at this stuff, isn’t it neat”

(The interviewer puts her hand over the microphone.)

Ooohhhhh! That hurts!

So, did you have to parent-proof your room or anything?

No, no. They’re both pretty cool.

What did they think of Frosh Revue?

They loved it. And my Mom knew that one of the songs was taken from a Weezer song, that’s how hip my Mom is. And I’m a rock star.

Do rock stars always eat tuna salad pockets?

Hey, this is not what it looks like. It is delicious.

So, do you have any rock star hot stories?

Well, a tour group walked in on me naked the first week of school.

So, hot as in hell?

No.

Were your cheeks pink?

Probably yes, since I had just gotten out of a hot shower. Ironically, the tour contained only girls with their moms. And I didn’t get any good, “Oh, I like seeing that body naked” looks, it was more crazy, scared; I got bad looks.

So, what’s the difference between Frosh Life and Frosh Life as seen onstage?

I’d like to go with secret option C and go with, “Life as a Real Frosh in the Frosh Revue.”

Peter, there is no secret option C. And if you pull that again, I’m going to start writing in italicized action comments such as “Peter says this as little flecks of tuna keep shooting out of his mouth.” If you could hook up with anyone on this campus, who would it be?

The squirrels. I love the squirrels.

Eeeewwww! Too bad squirrels are devil animals! They are Satan-possessed: they chitter in bushes, jump out of garbage cans, run in front of your car, and they fall out of trees.

They do not! I have never seen a squirrel fall out of a tree. Have you ever seen a squirrel fall out of a tree?

Yes, they are so fat from all the acorns and I saw a dead one at the base of a tree near Stetson Hall.

Whatever. And besides, I love my little furry friends.

Alright, mozzarella sticks or curly fries?

Ummmmm.

You want secret option C, don’t you?

Katie Nicholl.

Do you have any cool anacronyms?

What’s that?

You know, words that stand for a longer phrase.

OH, acronyms!

Yes! That’s what I said.

No it’s not; there’s no extra “an.” Well yes, I have one. Mr. T.

What does that stand for?

I prefer to let people meditate on that one.

Since Halloween is almost here, do you have any costume ideas/plans?

Marvin Gaye.

The Next Morning

So, what did you think of Frosh Revue?

Peter’s Mom: Oh, we loved it. We had to be a little clued in to what a few things were like the walk of shame, but it was great.

Did you think that it was nice that your son was only acting this out on stage, or were you like, “Oh my God, THIS is his college experience?”

Mom: No, this is his college experience. Definitely.

What did you think of the schedule of events this past weekend?

Mom: It was wonderful. We went to the faculty tea. I went to the football game yesterday. It was a beautiful fall weekend.

Dad: I climbed Mt. Greylock.

So, do you have any wise words for your son or any Williams students? Such as, don’t spring interviewers on your parents in the morning before coffee?

(Both parents laugh)

Mom: No, no. It was amazing though. When I saw Peter’s room, the bed was made. He’s changed a lot since coming to college! (laughs)

Any funny stories you’d like to share about Peter’s younger years?

Mom: Well, Peter started performing very young. He was a mud monster. He’d go outside and play naked in the mud and then bang on the windows and dance around trying to get back in. He was three years old.

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