Women’s rugby falls to Smith in final home game

Though the clouds loomed large in the early morning, the sky cleared at the approach of the Williams Women’s Rugby Football Club’s (WWRFC) final home game of the season. That is, until the ref, lured by the promise of many cows to sleep with, entered the Purple Valley.

He was a short, squat man who did not know that in order to referee, one actually needs to know the rules of the game. Mr. Clean’s twice-inbred, goat-dwelling cousin was the target of many a jeer and a sneer. The White Dawgs, continually frustrated by his poor play calling, fell to the she-women of Smith, 59-0.

Though the Williams’ women ruggers had nailed the fundamentals, their inexperience in dealing with an overloaded offense took its toll. The ref, too busy looking for the unfortunate erring ewe, missed high tackles by Smith.

The controversial offside calls were frequent, as the pea-brained numbskull decided that was all he could comprehend. The WWRFC rookies quickly learned the positional lesson to be taught, but poor optical nerve ability prevented the ref from noticing any difference. His depth perception was also off, since he equated lateral passes with forward-directed ones. This writer would almost have felt bad for the man, had she not been busy kicking up the turf, which was a poor substitute for the ref’s fat, bald head.

The backfield had a large job defensively, but still managed to get some great runs for moderate gains. Tamika “Don’t ask me where I got my braids” Murray ’03 and C-line “I will hurt you” Messmer ’02 threw several effective straight-arms and popped off defenders left and right, until triple-teamed and thrown to the ground. Kristen “Vicki” Lacey ’03 managed several tough defensive situations very well.

Dee “D is for destroyer” Brown ’04 and Virginia “Never stops” Despard ’02 led the scrummies into valiant efforts against the Smith front row. Several wheels of the scrum turned the possession over to Williams, which was unfortunately lost when strange knock calls were called and Smith regained possession.

Another scrummie to highlight is Liz “Statch” Sterling ’02, whose amazing returns on penalty plays was almost as incredible as her ability to promote town-gown relations, while still receiving the “Best Girlfriend Ever” award.

The Killer B’s had another terrific game, destroying Smith in spite of the ref. Kristin “Stinner” Sageser ’04 had an excellent kickoff, which caused the sideline to erupt in cheers of “Run, Skinny, Run!”

This week marks the annual AmHerst week for the WWRFC. This Saturday, the forces of good and evil will collide as the season-salvaging hopefuls of Williams head over the mountain to pounce on the namby-pamby sally-wankers of AmHerst.Â

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