The first days of Williams freshman life

There are two things every freshman fears, orientation and grizzly bears. Luckily both were not a problem when I arrived on campus about three weeks ago. My Williams experience began with me picking up my room key and getting my ID card. Both of which have already been lost! If anyone sees either, please call me!

I also received my mailbox combination card. It is an index card, yet if you lose it, the card costs two dollars to replace. For two dollars I could get a whole stack of index cards. I can only imagine the penalty if the combination was on a piece of loose-leaf!

After all that registration stuff, I was off to my dorm!

After moving all my personal belongings into my dorm, including candles, a coffee maker, a toaster oven, air conditioner, George Foreman grill, George Foreman, George Foreman Jr., George Foreman III and a few kegs, my room was complete. (Note to Fire Marshall and Director of Housing: I was joking about bringing George Foreman III.)

Upon arrival to the dorm I met both my JAs. They both were really nice and helpful. However, they both managed to disappear when I asked them to help carry up some things to my room. Good thing I brought along George Foreman!

The next day I prepared to go on my Woolf trip. I choose to go on the community service trip, so I could give back. I ended up giving back a little bit too much, at the farm the trip went to. I mean, the guy said that they were in the middle of a drought! They got pissed off at me. Or is it the other way around?

Nonetheless, I made a lot of friends on the trip (with the exception of the farm caretakers). My Woolf leaders were really nice. Yet, I think they already have forgotten me, as they do not acknowledge me when I see them around campus.

After my trip ended, First Days began with the class photograph. Look for me—I am standing in the back! Actually, do not bother; even Waldo would be impossible to find in that picture.

Next on the agenda was our first class meeting. At the meeting I learned that Williams College has one of the country’s largest college endowments. Then how come we don’t have two-ply toilet paper!

After that we had our first entry meeting and snacks. It gave us a chance to get better acquainted with the JAs. I was having trouble figuring out why we had JAs. I was reminded when they came in and started eating the food in my room as I sat typing this garbage. However, I hear being a JA is a very prestigious and highly wanted position. I too, would want the opportunity to ogle the freshman and not get in trouble for it! Please note that I refuse to get involved with any JA! Sorry ladies!

At our entry meetings we all received our copies of the freshman face book. Advanced copies were made available to upperclassmen. It seems the freshman face book is the most read book since Tuesdays with Morrie. I haven’t seen people study a book like that since final exams. Rumor has it that when someone sees a frosh that they like they call them up. I think that is just a myth because no one has called me.

Plus, the camera always adds 15 pounds and they are head shots, so I do look a little bloated.

The next night at the President Reception’s we were all given the opportunity to meet and shake hands with the president. Unfortunately, I was not able to meet the President because the food tables kept on getting in my way.

On the following morning, we met as a class for a well-being lecture. I do not remember much about it, because I was really hung over at the time. The lecturer informed us that they have several flavored condoms in the health center, including vanilla, strawberry and chocolate and several others. They got more flavors then Lickety-Split. However, they all taste like chicken!

At meeting we were all introduced to security. However, during First Days, I was given the opportunity to meet several security officers at the college. I just wish they would not have put the handcuffs on so tight!

When the meeting ended, we were given a chance to further mingle with our class. After getting familiar with my classmates, I have come to the conclusion that Williams has lowered their admissions standards greatly!

Then that night we were all off to the Purple Key Fair, where we were given the chance to find out about all the clubs and activities available on campus. Only at the Purple Key Fair would one find the table for the mime club sandwiched in-between choir and the debate club. I almost joined the debate club, but I got into an argument with them. I considered playing rugby, but then opted not to have the snot beat out of me!

So after scouting several clubs and organizations I tried to sign up for the real deal, but they did not want me so I had to write for the Record.