Two in 2000

So, how is it being roommates?

W: Oh, it’s awesome.

S: Yeah, he’s Jersey industrial trash. He has more waste in his room than the state of Illinois. But we’re the best roommate combo ever. He’s pretty much my cellmate, but we’re good.

W: The first thing Kim [Sage C’s J.A.] said when she saw us acting up together was, “I have to call the Housing Office and asked them where did they find these kids to put together.” I talked to him a couple times this summer, figuring out whose going to bring what. But the last time I talk to him, he says, “Yeah just wanted to make sure you’re bringing the furniture.” And I told him I was, and he said, “Oh good, you better, ‘cause I’ll [hurt you].” So I get there, my parents leave and all my stuff’s moved in and some guys are in there and say, “Look, we’re going to have a party tonight.” And that’s how it all got started.

Yeah, I heard you had an eventful first night. What happened?

S: Well we decided that we wanted to hang out with girls and the only way that was going to happen was to offer beer. And see, we didn’t know better- we both went to prep school and figured that college was no rules. We had the beers in this duffel bag, which takes three people to lift. Yeah, it didn’t look suspicious- “Just moving in the Frosh Quad!” And we stole this girl’s fridge-

W: Yeah, it said “Natalie” on it and we took the little magnets on it and scrambled them. So it said “Atan lie” and she came in and we were like, ” No, no way, that’s not your fridge.” So anyway, we have a stolen fridge, 200 beers in this duffel bag, and we didn’t even close the door or anything.

S: So I’m standing over the duffel bag that we had just unzipped, and I have a beer in each hand and all of a sudden this security guard walks in. So I think I can sweet talk my way out of anything, so I said, ” Oh yeah, um, we were just going to have a couple of beers and then go to bed.” So that’s the first of our lies that systematically fell apart. So she nudges the bag, and right there are 200 beers. But it’s ok, I decide to lie my way out of it. But then, this kid walks in with a stereo and he’s like ” So, where do you want the stereo system set up?”

Sort of like the scene with the keg deliveryman in front of the parents in Dazed and Confused!

S: Exactly. That’s exactly what it was.

W: So she’s asking our names and where we live and we say, “Uh. . ..Williams. . ..D, and our names-

Meanwhile, there are pictures of you on your doors and stuff right?

S: Yeah, so then they start asking about the beer. So, I go up to the security officer and I say, “Look that’s a friend’s bag and he wants to go to law school and he got the bag as a graduation present.

Yeah sure, that makes perfect sense. Way to think of something great on the spot.

W: So Shomik walks into the room and says, “Look, you gotta do me a favor. You have to tell the guy that the bag was yours.” And I don’t know about this one. But whatever, you know? We’re roommates. It’s a bonding experience. But on the way down he says, “By the way, you’ve been crying for the last 20 minutes and you really want to go Yale law school.” So we get there, and I’m trying to act serious and sniffily.”

S: So, I sort of got out of it by pulling a Barry White, “First time, last time, the only time.”

Well, I’m glad you guys have learned your lesson. Since law school came up, are you guys looking forward to your classes?

W: I’m psyched to be in a classroom where ALL the kids are smart.

And any hidden talents?

W: You should see this guy play violin. He’s incredible. We were listening to classical music the other night and he just go too excited and said, “Wait, I have to play these bars for you.” He busted out the violin, started playing – I was blown away.

Any initial impression on Williams?

S: You know what’s deceptive about this campus? How the Frosh Quad lights are always on. You think that there’s a constant party and that everyone’s awake and it’s just not true. It’s so deceptive.

And how’s entry life?

W: The kids in our entry are all pretty nice. They’re all really smart too. The discussions after the Katie Koestner talk and the ones on community, we had really good conversations.

So in case Security is reading this, do you want to let them know what your weekend plans are? You know, the quiet night you have planned and everything.


S: All I can say is, I want to see each of those security officers in the pen, one-on-one, no holds barred, everything goes, one night only, ULTIMATE FIGHTING! Let’s go, I’m ready. Although I’m kind of worried—I think some of them may be more nimble than they look.

Alright, is there anything else you guys want written down in this article for posterity?

S: Will, do you even know how to spell “posterity?”

W: And tell people they are more than welcome to chill in our common room. Whenever.

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